


Playground Dreams, Teenage Screams

by bluemoongirl99



Category: Bandom, Halsey (Musician), My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots, Young Veins
Genre: Alaska, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Anal Sex, Child Abuse, F/M, Joyan - Freeform, Kid Fic, Knotting, M/M, Mating, Minor Character Death, Mpreg, Oral Sex, Pack Dynamics, Pregnancy, Running Away, Sex, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-08-15 20:01:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8070769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluemoongirl99/pseuds/bluemoongirl99
Summary: His scent wafted through the air, and filled all of Josh’s senses. Human, his brain recognized. Everything that had been ingrained into him since birth rushed through him, how humans were cruel and dangerous. They were mean, irreasonable, and only looked to prey on werewolves, like it was some sort of sport. As much as he knew that he should turn back, go home where it’s safe; where everyone knows how it begins and ends, and have their entire lives figured out, a voice in the back of his head screamed desperately. Which is why he smiled hesitantly, and introduced himself, because his Mother taught him manners. “Hi, I’m Josh.”





	1. One - Monkeybars

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wellthisisprettyrisque (collettephinz)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/collettephinz/gifts).



> For Lettie.
> 
> Thanks for answering my three am texts, and always believing in me.

“Who are you?” The voice rang out sharply against the crisp autumn wind. 

Josh whipped his head around to see a flock of light brown curls through the red lines of the handlebars, faded with weather and age, so they were really more rustic. 

It was one of those days he couldn’t be home. He’d have to hear his Mom nagging him about, who even knows what, be compared to his older sister, and then his younger brother. Constantly reminded of how he didn’t quite fit into their perfect family. What with his brightly colored hair, and arms that would rather be drumming then building homes for wolves down on their luck, or whatever bullshit his parents were pushing that week. 

So, he jammed his headphones into his ears, and blared something fast and loud, then began walking. He didn’t even mean to find it. It was on the other end of town, the one that was dangerously close to territory he wasn’t safe in. But he saw equipment through the line of trees, and couldn’t stop the souls of his feet from moving forward until he hands could wrap around the metal poles painted a faded green. They slithered up to a platform that was connected to a small crossbridge, with one of its planks missing. 

Josh didn’t say anything at first. He didn’t mean to intrude, but he figured that this playground should be open to the public. Hell, it certainly wasn’t _busy_ with foot traffic. 

“Who are you,” the voice repeated, a little more shakily. The curls moved, to reveal their attachment to a face. 

A gust of wind caught Josh off guard, causing goosebumps to fly up his arms and back, and his eyes focused on the stranger’s face. Brown curls framed warm brown eyes, that locked with his. The boy who stood in front of him, was extremely skinny. His hips bones jutted out from his baggy jeans, and his dark purple shirt had a hole in the shoulder, exposing a strip of smooth pale skin. 

His scent wafted through the air, and filled all of Josh’s senses. _Human_ , his brain recognized. Everything that had been ingrained into him since birth rushed through him, how humans were cruel and dangerous. They were mean, irreasonable, and only looked to prey on werewolves, like it was some sort of sport. 

As much as he knew that he should turn back, go home where it’s safe; where everyone knows how it begins and ends, and have their entire lives figured out, a voice in the back of his head screamed desperately. Which is why he smiled hesitantly, and introduced himself, because his Mother taught him manners. “Hi, I’m Josh.” 

+-+-+ 

“You’re back,” the voice said. The voice that Josh had come to know as Ryan. 

“Yeah, I…” he trailed off, scratching the back of his neck. “Didn’t really want to be home.” Josh looked around at the deserted playground, and it’s gate of overgrown trees and grass. “I like it here.” 

Ryan nodded, pressing his lips together. “I like it here too.” 

Josh noticed how his words came out as whispers, like he was afraid of making too much noise. His body language was slouched, and his limbs all curled in on themselves, like he wanted to make himself as small as possible. 

“So I guess, the whole, come here often line would be kind of redundant.” Josh said after a moment, quirking his lips into a crooked grin, that he hoped was charming enough. 

He was lucky enough to get a scoff. “Just when I thought our world was lacking in originality, here you come with your innovative conversation starters.” Ryan’s words were dry, and even though the scent of human was setting him on edge, he found that he didn’t want to leave. 

Josh opened his mouth to say more, when Ryan brought his hands to his lips. He was perched on the sandy yellow slide, causing his blue raggedy sweater to stand out even more in comparison. “No more words,” he whispered softly, meeting Josh’s eyes intensely. “Words hurt, let’s just-” he cut himself off, letting his gaze drift over to the field of grass that was infiltrated with weeds. “Play your favorite song in your head, and pretend nobody is around.” 

Josh didn’t know how to get ahead without words. But he knew that he wouldn’t be able to figure Ryan out with simple phrases. They were too mundane. Ryan would only be figured out with actions, and time. So, Josh mimed zipping his lips, and laid down onto his blue slide across from Ryan’s yellow one. His eyes trained up at the sky, scanning the fluffy white clouds. But he couldn’t help but think how he’d rather be looking at brown, than pastel blue. 

+-+-+

“Aren’t you cold?” Josh asked, as the mulch and gravel crunched under his shoes. 

The October air was much colder that day than it had been for the last few. Josh was comfortable in his long-sleeved shirt, warm jeans, and hoodie, but couldn’t imagine how Ryan was in just a threadbare t-shirt. 

“I’m fine,” Ryan responded briskly, crossing his arms over his chest. Even though he was putting on a pretty convincing facade, Josh wasn’t fooled when he watched Ryan shiver. 

Josh immediately took off his hoodie and tossed it in Ryan’s direction. Ryan glanced at it suspiciously before narrowing his eyes. “What are you doing.” It wasn’t posed as a question, and his words were flat. 

Josh faltered for a second before crossing his arms, mimicking Ryan’s own body language. “It’s cold. I have a jacket, and you don’t. It’s a magical cloth item that actually helps you stay warm.” 

Ryan glared. “I don’t need your pity.” 

“That’s great then,” Josh replied, not taking Ryan’s bait. “Good thing I gave you my jacket, and not this bag full of pity I’ve been carrying around.” 

Ryan glared at Josh for about five more seconds, before putting his head down, and slipping on the jacket. It had some sort of lame band logo on it, and practically swallowed Ryan whole. He brought his knees to his chest, then rested his head onto the top of them. He tilted his chin slightly, as Josh made his way to the slide he had designated for himself. 

“So blue huh?” 

Josh met Ryan’s eyes confusedly, before bringing his fingers up to his own mop of curly hair, realizing what he was referring to. “Oh yeah, uh, kind of got sick of the red.” 

The red was more of a safety hazard, considering whenever he was in wolf form he would have a bright red patch of fur on his back. It freaked his parents out, and they thought it was blood. So, when they all had changed back, they insisted he change the color. But, he didn’t say that to Ryan. 

“You know, there’s a two person slide over there,” Ryan gestured towards the other side of the playground, which did include a green two person slide. His words were shy, but Josh smiled anyway. 

They got up, and both laid down onto the green slide. It wasn’t as comfy as the blue slide Josh had made his home, but the warm body in his near vicinity made up for any mild discomfort. And if their hands brushed together, well, it was a small slide. 

After a while, the sun was low in the sky, and Josh knew he had to be getting home soon, before it was dark. But before he got up to leave, he couldn’t help but let a question that had been bugging him fall out of his mouth. “Ryan, why were you only in a t-shirt?”

Ryan was quiet, before murmuring. “Didn’t have time to grab it on the way out.”

Josh swallowed a lump in his throat, not liking how Ryan’s words sounded when giving his explanation. Josh, pressed his hand a little harder against Ryan’s, even though he knew that wasn’t enough. 

“I have to get home.” 

“I know,” Ryan said, not breaking his staring contest with the sun lowering over the horizon. 

Josh didn’t realize until halfway through his walk back home, but Ryan never gave him his hoodie back.


	2. Two - Swinging Crossbridge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI, Halsey is going to be featured in this story. But, her name is going to be Halsey Frangipane, to avoid any confusion with Josh's sister, Ashley. This chapter is mildly anti-climatic, but it's build up to the good stuff, I promise. Hope you enjoy.

Josh had figured out a schedule. He could walk to the park everyday except for Sundays, and Wednesdays. Ryan never showed up on Thursdays, so sometimes Josh skipped out on that day too. Even though he hated admitting it to himself, he only really went to the park to see him. 

Josh had given him his hoodie on Tuesday. On Wednesday it took nearly all his willpower not to think about Ryan in his jacket, and how it was going to smell like him. The moon was near, and with only a week to go, he could feel its pull. He was antsy, and caught between the desire of biting into a raw steak, or jacking off a few dozen times in a row. 

The family dinner was suffocating. Abby and Ashley talked mindlessly about things going on at school, while his parents listened dutifully. Josh moved the food around on his plate, mixing the buttered noodles and carrots together, while his stomach rolled queasily. 

“Frankly, I think the fact that the school lets the students run the club is plain disgusting.” Abby spoke, taking a harsh bite of her own pasta. Ashley was nodding vehemently beside her in agreement. 

“It’s deplorable. We shouldn’t be preaching in defense of humans, we should be planning ways of attack.” Ashley said, while Josh’s parents hummed in agreement. 

“What about humans?” Josh said suddenly. His words sounded too loud in the open dining room, and his tongue felt almost too big for his mouth.

Ashley sneered, “Haven’t you been paying attention?” 

Abby swatted Ashley, then made her eyes wide and innocent as soon as their Father cleared his throat in disapproval. “There’s a Human Appreciation Club at school now. Have you been living under a rock? It’s supposed to teach all about humans, as if Werewolves and Humans could ever be seen as equal.” 

Josh swallowed heavily. The clatter of forks against the plates were like gunshots, and Jordan’s open-mouthed chewing next to him was making his ears ring. His movements were slow, like he was trapped underwater. He stood up, not being able to hear anything past the pounding of his heart in his chest. 

He heard his mouth say, “I’m going for a walk”, and was halfway out the door before he could breathe again. 

His parent’s confused shouted inquiries were lost to his ears by the howling of the sharp wind as soon as his face made contact with the air outside. It was, well, like a breath of fresh air. Josh’s skin seemed to fit more easily as soon as he was out of the stuffy confines of his house, and his siblings’ suspicious gazes. 

His feet carried him. He didn’t realize he was going to the park until he was halfway there. He quickly switched from his golden-amber eyes that gave him night-wolf-vision to his normal dull brown ones. He didn’t know if Ryan was going to be there, but he didn’t want to risk it. And frankly, his heart was pumping too fast, hands shaking too hard, and head throbbing too much for him to feel confident in not blurting out the whole truth to Ryan if asked. 

Josh couldn’t help the small ripple of excitement that bloomed in his stomach when he saw Ryan’s small frame hunched over along one of the slides. He felt a little smug at noticing that Ryan was snuggled deeply into Josh’s hoodie. All feelings of smugness though were ripped away when he came close enough to see that Ryan’s shoulders were shaking. 

“Ryan?” Josh called out tentatively when he stepped onto the mulch layer surrounding the equipment. 

Ryan’s head jerked up, eyes wide, like a frightened deer-in-headlights. “Josh?” He responded, voice broken. “Y-you’re not supposed t-t-to be h-here.” He stuttered. “It’s Wednesday.” 

Any other time, Josh would’ve been absolutely giddy in the fact that Ryan seemed to notice the unofficial “schedule” too. But his chest was tight, and his stomach felt like it was filled to the brim with ice water. Something was really off here. 

“I was having dinner with my family, and they were really fucking-” his voice cut-off as he stepped closer to Ryan. The little bit of light coming from the mostly lit moon illuminated Ryan’s face slightly revealing a split lip and a nose slowly trickling blood. “Holy shit.” He breathed. 

Ryan’s entire body flinched, like Josh was the one who hit him. Josh fell to his knees in front of Ryan, so that his face was only a little lower than Ryan’s. His thighs hit the edge of the slide, and he brought his hand up cautiously to ghost over the broken skin on Ryan’s face. Ryan quivered, a few tears slipping out of his eyes, coating his already wet cheeks. 

“Who did this to you?” Josh gritted out, using practically all his energy trying to stay calm and composed. Every pact and protective instinct though was raging and practically growling inside of him. He wanted to rip whoever did this to shreds. 

Ryan only shook his head frantically, letting in a shuddery breath. “I’m fine, I’m - it’s fine.” 

Josh took his thumb and rubbed it over Ryan’s cheekbone, causing him to wince. “It’s not fine.” 

Ryan let out a sound from deep in his chest, that sounded like a sob, before whimpering, covering his mouth. “I’m sorry I got blood on your jacket.” 

Without a moment of hesitation Josh climbed onto the slide, pulling Ryan into his lap, and against his chest. Ryan immediately wrapped his arms around Josh’s neck, burying his face into his neck. Josh held onto his shaking body tightly, attempting to keep him grounded. Josh’s shoulder and neck were a bit wet, but Ryan’s crying stopped after a while, and turned into even breaths. Josh rubbed circles into his back soothingly, and shushed him gently, whispering meaningless words into his hair. 

Even though he knew it was far too soon, and far too fast. Despite the fact that Ryan was a human, feeling Ryan in his arms, and taking in his scent - vanilla, cold sheets, and rain - one word rang loud and clear in his mind. 

_Mate._

+-+-+

"It's late, you should probably go home," Ryan whispered. Not moving away from Josh. They had been curled up on the slide that they had unofficially dubbed their own. Ryan's head rested on Josh. Even though the air was crisp, and his nose was starting to go numb, Josh couldn't think of anywhere else he wanted to be. He thought back to the family dinner he had run from. He knew he needed to go back and explain himself, but the mere suggestion of sitting at the dining room table again, made him nauseous, and his throat tight.

He also didn't want to leave Ryan. Even though he refused to tell Josh who had hurt him, he had his suspicions. He wanted to spend every waking minute with him. He knew as soon as he would go back to his house, and think it over, the coils of anxiety would make themselves known in the pit of his stomach. But while he was intoxicated by Ryan's scent, he couldn't find a care in the world. 

He mumbled something nonsensical into Ryan's hair, shifting closer. Ryan whimpered, pulling himself in tighter as well. Josh enjoyed his tight embrace for a few more seconds, until Ryan pulled away. Josh watched his face, lit slightly by the moon hanging in the sky. He fought against his instincts to switch to his wolf vision, to see Ryan's feminine features even clearer. 

"You need to go home," Ryan spoke softly, but firmer. "I'll be okay."

Josh wanted nothing more than to latch onto Ryan. To feel his heartbeat against his chest and hide them away from the world. But he knew that he did need to get home. His parents were probably worried. Although, he couldn't help but bring a hand up to Ryan's cheek. "I don't want anyone to hurt you." 

Ryan looked down at the slide, carefully avoiding Josh's eyes. "I'm gonna get hurt, Joshy. It's okay. As long as I can see you, it’s okay." 

Josh felt Ryan shiver as he pressed his lips to his forehead. "I've got to go home. But, I'll see you tomorrow." 

Ryan smiled gently, before freezing. "Tomorrow's Thursday." 

Josh's own smile faltered. "Right. You never come on Thursdays." 

Ryan grabbed onto Josh's hand. "It's not that I don't want to, it's just, Thursday nights I always go over to Spencer's for his family's dinner." 

Josh nodded. "Friday?"

Ryan picked at his scabbed over lip, smiling slyly. "Friday," he confirmed, before pressing a quick peck onto Josh's cheek. He then shoved him playfully. "Now get home." 

Josh couldn't help the goofy grin on his face as he climbed off the slide. He wiped bits of mulch and dirt off of his jeans, and reluctantly began his walk back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment, they feed my typing fingers.


	3. Three - The Purple Dome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is for my new beta, Imogen, who's a total rockstar, seriously. Also, ukelele_screamo, thanks for commenting on every chapter, you're rad.

“What was it like figuring out that Jenna was your mate?” Josh asked, feigning a casual tone, as he tossed around Tyler’s basketball above his head, catching it, then repeating the action. 

Tyler turned his head, wrinkling the pillow it was resting on. He raised his eyebrow. “Got any girls I don’t know about, Josh?” 

Josh shrugged. “No. I was just curious.” 

Tyler stared at Josh for a while, their bodies only inches apart on Tyler’s bed. He eventually sighed, turning back, training his gaze onto the ceiling. “It was weird. But it also wasn’t? If that makes any sense at all. Obviously I thought she was beautiful, but it didn’t really hit me until I heard her laugh. A part of me was terrified of knowing she was my mate, but the other was comforted and relieved, like, of course, it couldn’t be anyone else, you know?” 

Josh bit his lip. He wanted to ask how Tyler felt about humans, but was too scared that he would correlate the two things together easily, figuring out about Ryan. Josh knew that humans didn’t mate like Werewolves and it terrified him. The lack of security, and reassurance made his chest ache. 

The room got quiet. Tyler broke the silence after while. “If you met your mate, or something’s bothering you, you know you can always talk to me, right? You don’t have to feel like you have to hide anything from me.” 

Josh caught the basketball, holding it in his hands briefly, breaking the steady rhythm he had created. “I know.” 

“Did you hear about Halsey?” Tyler asked, getting up from the bed with a muffled groan. 

Josh furrowed his brow. “No? What happened to Halsey?” 

Tyler whistled under his breath. “Jesus dude, you didn’t hear?” 

Josh shook his head, sitting up and tossing the basketball onto the floor. “There’s a rumor that apparently she’s been sneaking off to the human side of town, and is messing around with some of them.” 

Josh’s blood ran cold. “Oh..?” He schooled his features and his voice to not give anything away. 

Tyler’s eyes were wide and scandalized. “Yeah. I don’t know much, I’ve just heard bits and pieces from Jenna, but it’s pretty serious. Her parents won’t let her out of the house, and they’re thinking about getting law enforcement involved.” 

Josh swallowed thickly. “It’s not illegal to talk to a human.” 

Tyler looked surprised. “Maybe not officially, but it might as well be. There’s another rumor going around that,” he lowered his voice, glancing around the room, like it was some big secret he was revealing. “There’s humans trying to sneak over around here. What they want, I don’t know.” 

Josh felt sick, and vaguely realized that his hands were shaking. Tyler appeared concerned. “Are you okay, dude?” 

“I’m fine,” Josh got out, his voice sounding far-away to his own ears. 

+-+-+

When Friday came, Josh was ready to crawl out of his own skin. The full moon was only two short days away, and he could feel it affecting his whole body. It had been getting worse over the past few months, but ever since he was around Ryan, it seemed to increase ten-fold. 

Ryan’s scent drove him crazy. Whenever he got near him all he wanted to do was bury his face into his neck. Lick it, and suck marks into it, to show everyone that he was his. But in that, he also started to notice other marks on Ryan’s body. The bruises littering his forearms and legs, that he at first assumed only had innocent origins. But now, he wasn’t so sure. 

The bruise on Ryan’s face, and the swelling had gone down since Wednesday. But seeing it still made Josh want to rip whoever did it to shreds. 

Ryan had been skittish the whole evening. He had kept his distance from Josh, which only made him gnaw his lip anxiously, terrified that he did something wrong. Although, he couldn’t think of a single thing. Ryan had his knees curled up into his chest, so that his already tiny frame looked practically skeletal. He chewed on his thumb, and repeatedly glanced up at Josh, then back down. 

Josh sighed, playing with a blade of grass, before running his fingers through his fading blue hair. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” He finally asked, bluntly. 

Ryan looked at him sharply, his eyes wide. “I-”

“You won’t get closer than two feet away from me, you haven’t said a word since I got here...did I do something wrong?” Josh wanted to take back his words as soon as he saw Ryan’s face fall. 

“You haven’t done anything wrong I just-” he cut himself off, not meeting Josh’s eyes. 

“You just what?” Josh pressed, scooting closer. He expected Ryan to move farther back, but he stayed where he was, picking up loose pieces of grass, breaking them apart with his pointer finger and thumb. 

“I should go,” Ryan said abruptly, standing up. 

Josh followed quickly, only a few steps behind him as Ryan began walking through the field away from the park. He was going back to his side of town, but Josh couldn’t let him go without knowing what was bothering him so much. 

“Ryan!” Josh called out, “Please!” 

Ryan turned back, his hands were shaking, and his eyes were large and absolutely terrified. “I-” he stuttered, “I have to go,” he finished, darting away, practically in a sprint. 

Josh watched him go, feeling helpless, already missing his scent. 

+-+-+

“And that’s why I’m banned from the Chemistry department, for life,” Pete finished with flourish, grinning, while he carefully rolled a joint. 

Josh let himself laugh, leaning back on the beanbag in Pete’s basement. They had made it through another moon, and he hadn’t seen Ryan for at least two weeks. He had gone back to the park everyday, to no avail. Terror creeped up the bottom of Josh’s spine at the thought of losing his mate, but he pushed it to the back of his brain. 

Tyler and Jenna were snuggled up on the other beanbag across the room. Josh felt sparks of jealousy shoot through him at the sight of them. He wanted nothing more than to be able to curl up with Ryan and show him off to the world. But alas, it seemed that world was enjoying fucking him over way too much. 

“Want a hit?” Pete asked, gesturing to the smoking joint in his hand. 

Josh rolled his eyes before shaking his head. “My parents would actually burn me at the stake. Plus, I’m high on life, my friend.” 

Josh smiled when he heard Tyler snort in response. “I feel like we never see you around anymore,” Joe said from next to Pete, blowing out a puff of smoke easily from the joint. 

“Yeah,” Tyler piped up, “Find a new group who’s better than us?” He was obviously teasing, but Josh could pick up the hint of seriousness underlying in his tone. 

He kept his expression blank, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. “I’ve just been busy with school and stuff, and you know my parents,” he lied lamely. 

Nobody seemed to buy it, but he wasn’t called on it. Although he noted that he was going to have to be more careful, and find a plausible excuse. 

“Maybe he found his mate, and is hiding her away,” Pete teased, jabbing Josh with his elbow. 

Josh coughed out a nervous laugh. “If I found a mate you’d be the first to know.” 

+-+-+

When Josh got to the park on a Thursday night, he wasn’t expecting Ryan to be there. It had been three weeks since he had run off. A part of Josh wanted to be mad, but he was too overwhelmed with relief that Ryan was okay, and that he was getting to see him again. 

Even though Josh wanted nothing more than to wrap Ryan in his arms, and run over to him - he kept his distance. He remained silent, crossing his arms. Ryan got off the slide, wringing his hands, and biting his lip nervously. 

He was so cute and endearing that Josh found his heart melting. But he kept his ground. Ryan looked up at him, through the floppy curls falling front of his pretty face. Josh decided to be the one to break the silence, because Ryan looked so anxious, it was making Josh’s stomach hurt just watching him. 

“Why did you leave?” He asked. 

Ryan opened his mouth, then closed it, running his hands through his hair. “I’m a coward,” Ryan said softly. “I didn’t know how to say what I was thinking so I ran.” He gave Josh a wry smile, “it’s all I’m good at.” 

Josh took a few steps forward, unfolding his arms. They were only a few inches apart now. “What were you thinking?” He murmured. 

Ryan closed his eyes, not wanting to look at Josh with what he had to say. “I like you.” 

His words were soft, but each one hit Josh like a bullet, and were loud enough in his head to make his ears ring. His heart was thumping loudly in his chest, as he took his hand and cupped Ryan’s cheek. Ryan opened his eyes, causing Josh to smile widely. “You’re not a coward.” 

Ryan looked at him warily, while Josh only continued smiling, brushing his thumb over Ryan’s cheekbone. “I’ve liked you since I first laid eyes on you,” he whispered, like it was a secret. 

Ryan flushed, glancing up at Josh with wonder. “Really?” he croaked, clearly caught off guard. 

Josh, with a surge of confidence, rested his hands on his slender hips. Ryan’s hip bones were sharp against his palms, but it was comforting in an odd way. “Pretty thing like you?” Josh whispered into his ear, so the words were just his, nobody else’s. “So beautiful.” 

At his words Ryan surged forward, pressing their bodies together, while wrapping his arms around Josh’s neck. He pressed his lips urgently against Josh’s lips. Josh was quick to reciprocate, grabbing tightly onto Ryan’s hips. Holding him, and having Ryan pressed against him was the best feeling in the world. He was practically getting drunk on his scent, and could feel himself getting hard already. 

Ryan whined in the back of his throat, grabbing on desperately to Josh, shifting his hips. He was licking inside Josh’s mouth, his hands everywhere. He broke away, and their lips disconnecting with a slick pop, showing Josh’s spit mixed with Ryan on his lips. “Please,” Ryan whimpered against Josh’s lips. “Josh please, please-” he kept going. 

Josh urged him gently over to the yellow slide, sitting down, while Ryan straddled him without a moment of hesitance. Josh pulled back, running a hand through Ryan’s hair, and just watching his flushed face. “Hey, you don’t have to beg.” His words were gentle. “I got you, baby.” At the use of the pet name, Ryan buried his face into Josh’s neck, melting into him. 

Josh enjoyed his warm body, and rubbed his hands against his back, feeling the parts of his spine jutting out in a line down it. He would’ve been content to just hold onto Ryan, but that wasn’t enough for the human boy snuggled against him. Josh brushed his lips against Ryan’s neck, having to control every animalistic urge to just saturate him with marks - to claim him. 

Ryan sighed, trying to get closer to Josh, even though that was physically impossible. “I need you, Joshy,” he said, completely vulnerable in Josh’s arms. Josh shushed him, and took them off the slide. Ryan stood up, looking at Josh confused and hurt. Josh only grabbed his hand, dragging him to the bright purple dome on the other side of the playground. It was covered in hooks and climbing equipment, but had a hole so you could climb inside. On the ground there was a mat stylized to look like a colorful jigsaw puzzle. 

Josh got down on his knees and crawled inside. Ryan followed, with a bit of hesitance, not sure as to what Josh had in mind. They were both cast in a phantasmagoric purplish glow. Josh’s heart clenched in his chest over how gorgeous Ryan was, hiding behind his hair, glancing shyly up at Josh. 

Josh crawled over to him, before placing his lips innocently against Ryan’s. It was nothing more than a peck. Ryan chased his lips, but he pulled away. Josh’s eyes were tender as he said, “We don’t have to do anything, baby. We can just lie here.” 

Ryan shook his head slowly. “I want you,” he said firmly. 

Josh gave him a fond smile before shaking his own head. “Not yet.” Ryan looked confused as Josh grabbed onto his hand, “C’mere.” 

Ryan crawled over to him, while Josh laid down on the mat, so his eyes were trained on the dark purple dome above him. Somebody had glued glow in the dark stars on top of it. Ryan eventually laid down on top of Josh, and pressed his head against his chest. They were both quiet, listening to each other breathing, in their own little world inside the dome. 

“This isn’t just sex,” Josh mumbled after a while. 

Ryan lifted his head up, furrowing his brow. “Okay…?” 

“I like you, a lot.” He continued. “I really want to jump your bones, you have no idea Ry. But, I wanna do this right. I want to hold you, ask you about your day, and kiss away your tears. Sure, I want to make you come, but that’s not all this is.” 

Ryan was quiet, and for a minute Josh was scared of what he was going to say. But eventually he spoke. “Me too,” and then, “but I’m definitely holding you to the whole ‘make you come thing’.” 

Josh chuckled, wrapping his arms tighter around Ryan’s scrawny frame. “Now,” Ryan said almost sassily, “are you going to point out any constellations?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment - don't make me beg.


	4. Four - The Slide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, but this chapter is a good bit longer than all the other one if that helps? I've been spending all my energy on a Pete/Ryan WIP that I hope to post whenever I wrap this up. 
> 
> Shoutout to Lettie for listening to me ramble, fixing any plot holes, and filtering out all the bad to make room for the good. Also, yelling at me for even considering to abandon this. Love you.
> 
> Thanks to Immi for the awesome, always last minute, beta job. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy! Leave me a comment telling me what you think, and any predictions of what you think's going to happen next.

The next night, Josh wanted nothing more than to go back to the park. He wanted to kiss Ryan until his chest collapsed from lack of air; bury his face into his pale neck, and take in his scent until he couldn’t remember what anything else smelled like. But Ryan had reluctantly informed him that the next night he was expected over at Spencer’s for dinner, so he wouldn’t be able to come. 

Josh had been slightly disappointed, but the rush of Ryan’s soft lips against his quieted down all the angry jealous voices running in his head. Because he couldn’t see Ryan, he had a good excuse to have his face shoved in Jenna’s sink, while she ran her gloved hands through his hair. She had mixed the developer and bleach packet, and was now applying it to Josh’s hair. 

“Your hair is fucking amazing,” she murmured in awe, not stopping her movements. Josh raised his eyebrow, adjusting the towel wrapped haphazardly around his shoulders. “We’ve bleached the fuck out of it, but yet it hasn’t fallen out or completely died yet. If I even think about dyeing mine, it decides to go and commit suicide.” 

Josh laughed, then tried to hush it when Jenna chastised him for moving. Jenna had been dying his hair for months. She took an almost sick pleasure over having control over the colors, and stylings. Josh wasn’t too attached to his hair, so he was normally on board with any crazy concoctions she came up with. Jenna’s parents wouldn’t let her dye her hair, because they didn’t want her to ruin her fur, so, Josh was her outlet of sorts. 

Jenna hummed as the went through the hair dye that Josh had brought - him making the selection this time. She examined the boxes before smirking at Josh. “Why purple?” She asked while placing a shower cap over Josh’s head so that the bleach could settle. 

Josh shrugged, not being able to keep the small smile off his face. “Just like the color, that’s all.” 

Jenna hummed again, and took off her plastic gloves, throwing them in the trash can. She sat down on the toilet in the corner of the bathroom, and sent a meaningful look to Josh, who was now sitting on the edge of the tub. “You know Tyler’s really worried about you.” 

Josh swallowed, “Why?” 

Jenna raised her eyebrow, in an incriminating way. “You hardly hang out with us anymore, you’re always brooding at home. If something’s bothering you, you can always tell us. Pete keeps making jokes about you shacking up with some omega girl in secret. At first I laughed it off,” she gnawed on her lip. “But now...I don’t know.” 

Josh didn’t say anything. “I don’t have an omega girl,” he offered finally. 

Jenna got off the toilet seat, kneeling down in front of Josh. She grabbed his hands. “Just tell me that you’re okay. That you’re happy.” 

Josh was able to give her a small smile, brown curls clouding his mind. “I’m okay, Jen, I promise.” 

+_+_+

“God, I missed you.” Josh said earnestly, wrapping his arms around Ryan’s waist. 

Ryan let out a startled laugh, but melted into Josh’s touch. He had almost immediately confiscated Josh’s jacket to protect himself from the chill. It swallowed Ryan whole, but seeing him in it had Josh practically thrumming. 

Josh buried his face into Ryan’s exposed neck. He was wearing a flimsy v-neck under Josh’s jacket and the skin was so tempting. He smelled so good Josh felt like his toes were curling. It was musky, yet sweet, like a forest of vanilla trees. It was almost stronger than last time. The wolf was clawing at his chest, howling in the back of his mind, wanting desperately to just pin Ryan and knot his fucking brains out. 

Josh licked the skin of Ryan’s neck, working his way down and nipping at his collarbone, while still keeping a tight hold on his hips. Josh couldn’t help but growl low in his throat as Ryan leaned his head over, baring his neck in a move that was so innocently submissive he had to close his eyes and take deep breaths just to control himself. After a second of steadying himself, he managed to pull away. His head was dizzy with want, and Ryan’s scent was like being intoxicated. 

Ryan made a small noise as Josh removed himself. He stepped forward so he was pressed into Josh’s personal space again. He stuck his hands into the back pockets of Josh’s jeans, and snuggled into his chest, hiding his face. “Warm,” Ryan mumbled, before adding softly, “‘missed you too.” 

Josh couldn’t help but smile tenderly down at Ryan before kissing the top of his head. After a few minutes Ryan pulled away and inspected Josh. “Purple?” 

Josh’s eyes flickered over to the purple dome, his face heating up. “Just thought it was a nice color.” 

Ryan followed his gaze, and when he turned back to Josh his face was incredibly soft. He removed his hands from Josh’s jeans, and grabbed onto his hand. He let out of soft noise of confusion at the curly haired boy for a second as he led them over to the giant yellow slide. He started when Ryan hastily pushed him down onto his back, so that he was sprawled out on his back. 

“I’m gonna blow you now, kay?” Ryan said, dropping to his knees by the edge of the slide, the mulch under his knees crackling. 

“What Ryan, I-” Josh sputtered caught off guard, while Ryan continued, his fingers attempting to unbuckle his belt. After a second Josh got his bearings and ignored how fucking good Ryan looked down on his knees in front of him. He grabbed Ryan’s hands, and jerked them away from his half-undone belt. “Ryan, no.” 

Ryan’s eyes widened and he looked up at Josh fearfully, the same expression he had before he bolted three weeks previous. “I don’t want you to blow me, baby,” Josh told him. “I want you to feel good. I want to do something together.” 

Ryan still looked terrified as Josh lifted him up from his knees and onto the slide. He scooted over so that they were both lying on their sides facing each other. Josh leaned forward pressing his lips against Ryan’s. Ryan hesitated for only a moment before kissing back, sighing smally into Josh’s mouth. The purple-haired boy couldn't help but smile into the kiss, breaking it. “I want you to feel so good, baby,” he crooned, stuffing his face into Ryan’s neck, taking in his scent. 

Ryan squirmed under Josh as he grabbed onto his hip, pressing him closer so that their bodies were pressed completely against each other. Josh licked up Ryan’s neck, biting and sucking into it, covering it with marks. He had to somehow claim him, his body was screaming to. If he wasn't going to knot him, this was second best. Ryan let out a small moan as he sucked on a spot right under his jaw. The scent was the strongest there, and he could smell Ryan’s arousal. Josh couldn't help but suck even harder, biting at the skin as he ground his hips against Ryan. He was desperately hard now. 

“Josh,” Ryan breathed, his pupils were blown, and his lips were parted and shiny from licking them. “Please.” Josh gave the now purple mark on Ryan’s neck one last kiss before making his way up his jaw, and eventually to his lips. They were soft, and Josh was addicted to the small whines and moans that Ryan made every time he rolled his hips. 

Josh pushed Ryan down so that he was laying on his back and hovered on top of him, not breaking the kiss. He reached down, and ground his palm against Ryan’s hard on through his jeans. Ryan moaned raggedly and his head fell back, hitting the slide almost painfully. His hips stuttered desperately and his hands scrambled for purchase before settling in Josh’s hair. “Josh, fuck,” he gasped, eyes squeezed shut as he rocked against Josh’s hand. 

“Mine,” Josh couldn't help but growl into his collarbones before positioning his mouth right by Ryan’s ear. He bit the earlobe, then whispered hotly, “so fucking gorgeous, baby, wanna see you fall apart, wanna hear you.” 

Ryan keened loudly, and Josh only pressed harder, “C’mon baby,” Josh whispered, and Ryan was shaking. He let out a cut-off gasp that turned into a moan as he came, and fell back onto the slide. He laid back, limbs like jelly. He was so warm and pliant, Josh’s skin was on fire. He wanted throw his legs open and knot him til he was crying with it, begging for Josh to fill him up. But he settled for hastily undoing his pants and tugging out his dick. His hand against it almost made him want to cry in relief. 

It felt so good, and he panted over Ryan letting his mouth run with every filthy thing he could think of, he wanted to come all over him. Fucking paint him with cum so that everyone would know he was his, so that he would be drenched in Josh’s scent. Claimed. But before he could Ryan smacked his hand away, and wrapped his own around his cock. “Fuck,” Josh swore, and pressed his forehead against Ryan’s who was now resting on his elbows. 

For a second Ryan’s hand stuttered, nearly stopping. Josh opened his eyes to see that look of terror on Ryan’s face, before it went away, making him wonder if he saw it at all. “Ryan?” He asked, his words husky and his breath uneven. But Ryan’s hand started up again like nothing happened. Though after another couple seconds he stopped again, “can I taste you?” he asked. 

“Shit,” Josh breathed before nodding and getting on his back. Ryan slipped off the slide, getting on his knees once more. He hesitantly pulled Josh forward by his thighs so that his legs hung over the edge of the slide, giving him easy access to Josh’s exposed dick. 

Ryan looked up at Josh through a few overgrown curls flopping in his face. He gave him a nervous smile, which was really more of the just the twitch of his lips before he grabbed the edge of the slide and wrapped those lips around Josh’s cock, going down. Josh immediately let out a strangled groan, slamming his head down onto the slide. He gaped at the sky, but he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs no matter how hard he tried. 

He squeezed his eyes shut trying to scramble and hold onto something to keep himself grounded. It was just so good. Ryan’s mouth was tight, warm and wet. He bobbed his head up and down, and did a flick with his tongue that had Josh nearly wheezing. His hips stuttered up as he grabbed onto Ryan’s hair, pulling it on the edge of just too much. But that only caused Ryan to moan around his sloppy mouthful of dick. 

Ryan pulled out, and the cool air chilled with his spit on Josh’s cock had him shivering, causing goosebumps to raise all over his arms. “Fuck, Ryan, fuck, fuck,” he chanted nonsensically. 

Ryan just took it in stride, trailing his tongue from the underside up - like Josh’s dick was some sort of obscene lollipop. After Josh was on the verge of begging, and little whines escaped his throat, Ryan replaced his tongue with his lips, briefly leaving open mouthed kisses all along the side before going down again. Josh could feel his cock hitting the back of Ryan’s throat this time, like it was no big deal. Ryan hummed happily as Josh felt like his brains were being sucked out. His body was thrumming, and he could hear his blood rushing erratically in his ears. 

He knew it was really quick, but how was anyone supposed to last with someone as pretty as Ryan sucking cock down on his knees. Occasionally meeting eyes with Josh, but mostly having his eyes closed in a blissed out expression, eyelashes dusting his cheeks. Josh’s stomach muscles tensed, then jolted. “Ry, I’m gonna-” he managed to choke out. 

Ryan managed to pull off as Josh came, spurts of come splashed over his cheek and chin. Josh groaned, taking in a few heavy breaths of air. He sat up on his elbows, catching a glimpse of Ryan covered in his come. It was the hottest thing he had ever seen, and it had his inner wolf howling in satisfaction of claiming his mate. Before he completely had his breath back he grabbed Ryan by his t-shirt, under Josh’s jacket. He hauled him up so that he was joining him on the slide. 

Josh flipped them over so that he on top of Ryan. He was a little dazed at all the sudden movements. He glanced up at Josh, his eyes mostly glazed over, and whimpered, trying to grind his hips against Josh’s thigh. He was amazed that Ryan had managed to get hard again, just by blowing him. He hurriedly undid his pants, slipping his hand inside Ryan’s boxers, wrapping his hand around his length. He couldn’t help but let out a gaspy laugh. “Holy shit, Ry, you’re fucking huge.” 

Ryan whined, rolling into his hand. He was nervous, he had never jerked off another guy before, and was worried about getting the angle wrong. Ryan squirmed though, hips rocking desperately as he moaned and whimpered. “Please, Joshy, please-” 

“Shh, baby,” Josh told him gently, burying his face into his neck, proud of the few marks he had left earlier. He left open mouthed kisses along his neck and jaw, jacking him off as fast as he could. Ryan keened, leaving breathy moans right in Josh’s ear. Josh tried to flick his wrist over the head, swiping over the slit a few times, just the way he liked it when he needed it fast and hard. “Can you come for me, baby?” Josh asked in Ryan’s ear. Ryan’s entire body jerked forward, but Josh held his hips down. He was going crazy, making all these beautiful sounds, and he couldn’t keep still. Josh was completely enamored. Ryan took a huge ragged breath before he was coming all over Josh’s hand. 

Ryan fell back against the slide, all of his limbs loose. He was so beautiful Josh’s chest was tight, and he had never been so in love with anyone before. Josh peppered kisses all over his face, neck, and exposed collarbones. “So fucking beautiful,” he insisted, “prettiest thing I’ve ever seen. All mine, so perfect,” he kept repeating over and over, as Ryan smiled softly. 

Josh held up his hand that was covered in drying come. He was going to wipe it on his jeans or something when Ryan grabbed his hand. He sucked Josh’s fingers into his mouth, cleaning up the come. Josh’s felt his dick twitch at the sight, and he wanted to pin Ryan down, and grind against him until he came again. Ryan must have felt it too because he laughed, high and bright. “No more,” he mumbled sleepily, snuggling up against Josh’s side. 

Josh grabbed onto his waist and pulled him close, so they were cuddled up close. Ryan’s face in Josh’s warm chest, their legs tangled together. Josh smiled wide, kissing the top of his head. “Can we sleep now?” Ryan asked, yawning at the end of his question. 

He only continued to smile, holding onto Ryan tighter. “Anything you want, baby,” he crooned as Ryan hummed happily. They managed to doze off on the uncomfortable slide, with only the warmth of each other keeping them from freezing. 

Josh woke up to Ryan poking him in the face. “Mm, five more minutes,” he said blearily, trying to get a grip on his whereabouts. 

He heard Ryan’s giggle in his ear, and woke a bit more. “I gotta get home, Joshy,” Ryan informed him, although he was still all over Josh’s personal space like an octopus. The sun was setting, casting them and the whole park in an orangey glow. 

“I stand by the five more minutes, thing,” Josh told Ryan, causing him to laugh once more. Josh couldn’t decide if Ryan’s laugh, or the strangled whine he makes when he comes was his favorite sound in the world. It was probably a close tie. 

“Will you be here tomorrow?” Ryan asked, his words whispered into the shell of Josh’s ear. 

Josh opened his mouth to say yes, but then he remembered what he had to do the next day and sighed. “I don’t think so,” he said regrettably. “I have a doctor thing.” He explained vaguely. 

Ryan sat up on his elbow. “Everything okay?” 

Josh nodded, attempting to wave his hand. “Yeah, I just have to get tested for a family thing, no big deal.” He convinced Ryan. Although, what he had to get tested for tomorrow was kind of a big deal. But Ryan couldn’t know that. 

“If you say so,” Ryan said eventually. He then pulled away from Josh, getting up from the slide. Josh made a small sound at the loss of Ryan’s warmth, but got up too. The air was chilly and biting. Ryan turned, facing his side of the town. Josh came up behind him, and curled his arms around him, hands digging into his waist. He rested his chin against Ryan’s shoulder, taking a deep breath of his scent. He could smell himself all over Ryan, mixed with the distinct smell of sex and it made his insides tingle. 

“How come you always walk from the other side of town?” Ryan asked suddenly, not breaking his gaze from the line of trees that hide a town, with schools, and suburban houses that are surrounded with white picket fences. “That’s awful close to wolf territory.”

Josh swallowed, subconsciously tightening his grip on Ryan. “I just walk the long way around. It clears my head,” he lied through his teeth, hoping that Ryan wouldn’t notice how he was shaking. 

Ryan turned. He ran his fingers through Josh’s hair, giving him a look that had Josh’s stomach falling to the ground. “I really like you, Joshy.” 

“I really like you too,” he replied in a whisper. 

Ryan’s eyes flickered over his face before leaning in. Josh placed his hand on the back of his neck as they pressed their lips together. This was unlike any kiss they had shared before. It wasn’t quick, or messy with want. It was soft and tender. When Ryan pulled away Josh’s chest couldn’t help but tighten over how much it felt like a goodbye. 

Ryan started to walk towards the trees, but Josh grabbed onto his hand, harshly pulling him back. “I’m gonna see you Saturday, right?” he asked, needing that reassurance. That verbal promise that Ryan was coming back. 

He nodded, “I’ll see you Saturday.” He leaned forward, pecking Josh on the cheek.


	5. Five - The Woods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took waaaaaayyyy longer than I planned, but unfortunately I had to rewrite it two or three times. As usual, I gotta thank Lettie for pointing out inconsistencies, and just generally helping me find better plot points than the shitty ones I like to write first. 
> 
> Betaed by the amazing Immi. 
> 
> The next chapter should be up within the next couple of days. Good news is that there's only like, four chapters left! Hope you like this one, it's starting to get spicy.

Josh woke up to his mom shaking his shoulder aggressively. He groaned, rolling over on his side. “You need to get up,” she bristled, still shaking him. “We’re going to be late.” 

Josh finally opened his eyes, focusing on his eyes onto his mom’s face. That was when he remembered what today was. It was one of the most important days of a werewolf’s life, right behind meeting their mate, and the moon they turn for the first time. Josh sat up with a start, and threw the covers off of his body. “You have five minutes!” His mom called as she left the room. 

Josh tugged on a pair of jeans and threw a gray hoodie over his head, running his hands through his hair. He was on the hunt for a pair of shoes that didn’t have a hole in the side paneling or on the sole, when his phone rang shrilly from its position on his nightstand. “Fuck,” Josh swore as he fumbled to answer it. 

“Have you left yet?” Tyler’s voice filtered through the speakers before Josh could even get a word out. 

“Soon, I’m trying to find shoes.” 

Tyler hummed, “There should be a pair of yellow converse behind the cardboard box next to your drum kit.” 

“How-”

“Don’t ask of my ways, young padawan,” Tyler told him seriously. “You never wear them because they’re hidden from sight, and I almost brained myself on your kit the last time I slept over because I tripped over them on my way to the bathroom.” 

Josh slipped on the shoes, while cradling the phone in his shoulder. “Are you nervous?” Tyler asked quietly. 

He shrugged, finishing up tieing the laces on his shoe. “I mean,” he responded over the phone, “I haven’t really thought about it. It is what it is, you know?” 

Tyler laughed. “You say that now. With all your cockniess watch you turn out to be pretty little omega.” Tyler started imitating a high-pitched whiny voice, “Breed me, oh please, breed me!” The last one was barely audible through Tyler’s cackling. 

Josh couldn’t help but laugh with him, until Ryan’s face flashed in his mind. It was crystal clear, all the things he had memorized about him. The exact angle his hip bones jutted out, skin pulled tight over them whenever they were exposed. How Ryan would shiver and squirm whenever he ran his tongue over them, and placed purple marks over them. It was more private this way, and his favorite thing was to hear Ryan keen whenever he dug his fingers into the old yellowing bruises. His long lashes, framed by a sprinkle of freckles over his cheekbones and nose, light enough to miss if you didn’t look close enough. 

Josh gulped as a realization hit him like a bucket of ice water crashing over him. “Tyler,” his voice sounded strangled, like he was drowning. “I have to go.” 

“Josh?” Tyler asked, sounding worried. “You know I was just joking, right?” 

“Yeah, I just.” Josh felt sick, and hung up the phone. 

Before he could think on it much longer his Mom called him from downstairs. He glanced at the clock, it had been way over five minutes. If he didn’t leave right now he would be late. So, with shaky hands, and sweaty palms he clambered his way downstairs, slinging on a coat from the rack in the foyer. 

“Ready?” his mom asked with a bright proud smile. 

He faked his “as I’ll ever be.” 

+_+_+

Josh stared at the manila envelope that had been handed to him before he was able to leave. His mom had been eager to open it, but he held it in his hands, firmly closed. It wasn’t as big of a deal since the Equal Status Opportunity Act, passed before Josh was even born, that allowed for any wolf to have any job, not mattering if they were an omega, alpha, or beta. 

Though, some traditions still die hard.

As soon as Josh walked through the front door of his house he bolted up the stairs. Before he could even dial Tyler’s number though, Tyler was calling him. He answered, sitting down on his bed. “Beta!” Tyler crowed from the other line. “Jenna and I were both betas. She’s the one who can reproduce though!” He sounded so excited, it only made the knot in Josh’s stomach grow. There was a pause. “Dude, are you okay?” 

“I haven’t opened it yet,” Josh said, staring down at the envelope. He could still feel the prick in his arm from where they’d drawn blood. For him to be able to have kids with his mate, he would have to a reproductive beta or omega. 

“Why not?” Tyler asked, only sounding confused. “Open it!” 

Josh closed his eyes, flipping the envelope over and started peeling at the seal. His hands were shaking so bad he managed to rip it more than actually open it. When he did, he pulled the piece of paper inside out. It had his name on a sticker at the top. He tried to avoid looking at the bottom for as long as he could, before Tyler pressed loudly in his ear. 

His eyes skated down.

**ALPHA**

**NON-REPRODUCTIVE**

“I’m a non-reproductive Alpha,” Josh told Tyler. Though he could barely hear his words over the pounding in his head. 

“That’s awesome!” Tyler encouraged, but stopped when Josh didn’t speak. “Is there something wrong with that?” 

“My mom’s calling me,” Josh lied, voice completely monotone. “I need to, go, she’s uh, yeah.” Tyler just barely got out a confused noise before Josh hung up. He couldn’t take his eyes off the paper. The seriousness of his situation settled in the pit of his stomach. 

He and Ryan wouldn’t be able to have kids. 

+_+_+

Josh realized he was being stupid when Saturday came, and he found himself in his room, sulking, instead of at the park like he promised. His phone buzzed with a text. It was from Ryan, and he was surprised - they hardly ever did that. Occasionally they texted when the other couldn’t make it to the park, but Josh firmly believed that Ryan’s essence couldn’t be captured with only a few words on a screen. 

_did everything with the doctor go okay?_

Josh sucked in a breath. Kids had never been the biggest focus of his life. But having someone tell you that you wouldn’t be able to have them if you ever decided to was gut-wrenching. Whenever he had imagined his future it had always been hazy, but kids had always been in it. When he attempted to conjure what it would like without any it seemed empty, and lonely, no matter how much Ryan felt like a missing piece. 

His heart-ached at the thought of never having kids with Ryan. Of having no one to pass on his brown eyes, freckles, and laugh. His phone buzzed again. 

_Josh?_

He had just slung one of his hoodies, the maroon one that was Ryan’s favorite to steal, and was typing out an apology on his phone when the startling sound of an alarm caught him off guard. He hurriedly pulled his curtain aside to see the flashing lights going off on his street, the lockdown alarm blared, making him want to cover his ears. 

His door opened and he swiveled to see Abby standing by the door. “There was a human-werewolf fight.” Her breath was ragged like she had ran up the stairs to tell him. “We don’t really know what happened, but it was in the woods by the human side of town. One of them is dead, but I don’t know if it was the human, or one of us.” 

Josh felt his heart stop. He shoved past Abby, and ran down the stairs as fast as he could, slipping and jumping over the last three of four. His parents all yelled questions of worry as to why he was trying to leave the house during a lockdown. He managed to yell something about making sure Tyler was okay before he bolted down the street. 

His feet pounded on the pavement and he couldn’t stop, he couldn’t stop until he knew Ryan was okay. He could see it as clear as day. Ryan had been walking home from the park when Josh didn’t show up. He had gone through the woods, and was caught by wolves looking for prey. His lungs were screaming as he imagined Ryan, pale skin stained with blood, lying on the forest floor with wolves standing over him. Because humans didn’t matter, they were lesser, they were prey. Josh felt like he was going to throw up. 

He slipped on a rock, he put his arms out to catch his fall. A giant hole tore through the knee of his jeans, leaving a pretty large gash, and his sleeves were ripped, leaving his forearms covered in scratches, and some deeper cuts. But it didn’t stop him, he got up, hardly feeling anything as he continued running. He ran through the few lines of trees to get to the park. He could barely breathe over the pounding of his heart, but he had to get to Ryan. He had to. 

When he made it past the final row of trees he stumbled into the playground. The first thing he saw was Ryan curled up on the yellow slide - _their slide_ \- with his knees pulled up to his chest, and the white headphones in his ears almost glowed in the early dark sky. 

Ryan looked up at the sound of Josh, and tugged off his headphones. His eyes were wide as he took in his appearance. “Josh?” He asked, voice completely confused, and worried, before Josh nearly tackled him, taking him into his arms. 

“Fuck,” Josh choked out, relishing in Ryan being completely unharmed. “Fuck,” he swore again. 

Ryan pulled away a little bit, “Josh, what-” 

Josh gestured wildly to both sides, you could just barely hear the sound of the distinct alarms going off. Ryan looked at Josh, “Is that...?” 

Josh nodded, pulling him close again. “There was a wolf-human altercation by the woods near the human side. And I thought-” he trailed off, swallowing. “Fuck, Ry.” He couldn’t help but get choked up as Ryan went back easily into his arms.

“Hey, I’m here. I’m okay.” 

The adrenaline was still coursing through his blood, making him feel like he could take on the whole world. He could run a marathon if it meant he would get to Ryan in the end. All of the things he had been worrying about over the past few days seemed so stupid compared to Ryan in danger. Josh felt a few tears roll down his cheeks before he registered that he was crying. “I was so scared,” he whispered, not wanting to let Ryan go for a minute. 

“I’m okay,” Ryan whispered back, equally as reverent. He kept saying it over and over again until Josh felt like he could relax from his death grip - but only slightly.

But Josh couldn’t stop talking. “I could see you. I could see you with blood everywhere, and your throat torn out. And they wouldn’t care. Fuck, they wouldn’t care because you’re a human. You would just be another dead thing to them. But you’re not. Fuck you’re not. You’re mine.” 

Ryan adjusted their bodies so that Josh was fully sitting on the slide, before straddling him. He pressed his face into Josh’s neck, and Josh gasped out a shaky breath. Josh nearly strangled himself taking off his hoodie. The wind bit against his stinging skin, but he just wrapped the jacket around Ryan, pulling him as close as possible. It was primal but he needed Ryan to smell like him. He needed Ryan to have some sort of safeguard just so that he would be able to breathe. 

“Josh,” Ryan said, sounding scared himself. Josh barely heard him, focusing on taking in his scent, and how it now smelt like a combination of both of them. He smashed his lips against Ryan’s pulse, feeling the frantic beating, calming his own heart at being reminded that he was alive. “Josh!” Ryan called out more urgently. 

Josh pulled away and Ryan stared down at his forearms. Droplets of blood from the cuts were sluggishly dripping onto Ryan”s jeans, and had gotten all over the hoodie he gave Ryan, so it was covered in dark wet spots. “You’re bleeding.” Ryan said. 

“I fell.” Josh told him simply. “I was running here and I - fell.” 

Ryan chewed on his lip. “Do you have to be home tonight?” Josh managed to shake his head slowly. “C’mon,” Ryan said, then smiled shyly, “I’m gonna clean up you up, back at mine.” 

Ryan got up slowly, and started making his way back towards his side of the woods. Josh stood up, and walked behind him, limbs still shaky from the left over adrenaline. That was when he noticed that Ryan was wearing gloves. Which wouldn’t be unusual, except for the fact that Ryan never wore gloves. Also, why would he take the time to bundle up with gloves, when he’s usually never wearing anything more than a t-shirt, or a too thin sweater. 

Josh stopped him, grabbing onto his arm. “Ryan?” Ryan faced him, “Why are you wearing gloves?” 

Ryan removed his arm from Josh’s grip immediately, curling it around himself. “It’s nothing, just, drop it.” 

Josh felt sick, but asked again. “Why are you wearing gloves?” When Ryan didn’t answer he continued, “You’re not gonna be able to dress my wounds while wearing those.” 

Ryan pulled on the fingertips of his gloves, eyes stormy. “Fucking fine,” and tore the gloves off. His left hand was fine, but his right hand had the palm covered in blisters, and the skin was bright red. It was shiny, like he had managed to put some treatment on it. 

Josh stepped forward, and tenderly wrapped his own hand around Ryan’s wrist, pulling his hand up so he could examine it. It looked pretty bad, but Josh didn’t think it would scar, and if it did, it would probably eventually fade. He might lose a little feeling in that hand, but hopefully not too much. 

“My dad likes to use me as his punching bag, okay? I was mouthing off, and didn’t want to cook his drunk ass dinner, so he pressed my hand against the stove. It’s fine.” His lips twisted up, not meeting Josh’s eyes. 

Josh stepped forward, “Ryan,” his voice broke; he pulled him in by his waist. The brown-eyed boy was stiff for a few seconds before he relaxed into Josh’s arms. After a few minutes like that, Ryan pulled away, wiping at his face with his left hand, and stuffed the gloves into the pocket of Josh’s hoodie, another one he was probably never going to get back - not that he minded. 

“Alright, let me look at these. I have some first-aid stuff back at my house, but if we need anything else I’ll probably be able to get Spencer to smuggle a few things from the corner store.” He took his hand and gingerly lifted Josh’s forearms so that they were in view. Now that Josh got a good look at them he winced. The scratches were more like cuts, and they were much deeper than he originally thought. He didn’t think any of them require stitches though, and should heal within the next few hours. 

While Ryan was studying one of Josh’s forearms with his left hand his burnt hand grabbed onto Josh’s other arm, directly making contact with the open wound. A sharp indescribable pain shot through Josh’s arm. He only managed to stumble back, the sound of sizzling flesh in his ears. He grabbed onto his arm, seeing one of the cuts beginning to turn black. His stomach dropped. 

“Josh!?” Ryan yelled, kneeling down on the ground. He must’ve saw how scared Josh was because he paled, scrabbling to look at the wound on his arm. As soon as he saw it turning black his eyes widened. “Fuck, I put silver on my hand to help with the burn I didn’t-” 

His words though were beginning to sound like they were trapped underwater. He could feel his body starting to sweat, his immune system hurriedly trying to work through the infection, though, it would soon be shutting down. The intense pain in his forearm started spreading slowly up his arm, before fading. 

“Josh!” he heard Ryan’s voice call. He sounded terrified. “You can’t go to sleep. Please, baby? Can you hear me? Joshy, please.” 

Josh reached his hand up. It was slightly wet from the drying blood of his wounds. He grabbed onto Ryan’s the face the best he could, trying to reassure him, but he felt like the ground was disappearing underneath him. He could barely keep his eyes open. “I’m sorry, Ry.” he whispered, as he felt Ryan’s body press down against his, and one of Ryan’s hands rubbing against his cheek. 

The last thing he felt was two drops of wetness splash onto his face before his eyes closed, and the pain stopped. 

+_+_+

Josh floated for a while. His body felt fuzzy, and muted, like every sensation was far away from his grasp. The first time he opened his eyes, the pain all came flooding back, but so much worse. It had spread up his arm and onto his shoulder now, getting ever-closer to his heart. 

He didn’t really know what was going on other than that he could hear voices. They sounded like they were arguing, but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. He tried to sit up, but that just caused a new wave of pain, and for him to groan loudly. 

Almost immediately he felt hands on him. They rubbed up his bare chest, and eventually caressed his face. “Josh?” He knew that was Ryan’s voice, but his eyes and entire body felt like lead. He was sweaty, and his skin was on fire, so he closed his eyes again, enjoying the feeling of Ryan’s cold hands against his cheek. 

The next time he woke up his eyes immediately watered from the searing pain consuming his torso. It felt as if someone had replaced the blood in his veins with fire. He was aware that his body was shaking and convulsing, but he had no control over it. He could barely see what was in front of him. He tried to call out for Ryan, but couldn’t make his mouth or throat move. 

When his eyes eventually focused, it was after he could feel Ryan’s hands again. They brushed along his body tenderly, probably trying to calm him down. That was when he noticed that Ryan was holding a needle. He could just barely make out the words he was chanting to Josh. “This is going to hurt, I’m sorry. But you’re going to be okay, you’re going to be okay.” 

His brain was still fuzzy and he still didn’t really know what was going on. But Ryan was worried, and crying over him. Josh didn’t want to go back to sleep, but he could feel the pull, of his body wanting the pain to stop in anyway it could. 

He gritted his teeth and used all the power he had in his body to move his arm, and grabbed onto Ryan’s hand. He throat was raw but he managed to gasp in a breath of air. “I love you.” He croaked. 

Ryan held onto his hand tightly. “You’re going to be okay,” he whispered, sounding more determined than ever. “You’re going to be okay, Joshy.” 

The prick of the needle into his arm initially didn’t feel like anything. He barely noticed it compared the black lines marking up his skin. But as soon as the purplish liquid in the needle entered into his veins he howled. Someone latched onto his wrists, and another person - definitely Ryan - straddled his waist, and tried to hold his body down. 

He writhed, screaming, begging for the pain to stop. He knew at this point what he had been injected with was _Wolfsbane_ but he couldn’t figure out why. He had a horrifying moment of realizing he was going to die. He screamed until it felt as if someone had been trying to claw out his throat. 

His body grew weaker, and he found each after each minute it harder to fight against the ones reining him in. He wasn’t strong enough to pull out his claws, which he knew would help. When his body had grown lax enough he didn’t need to be held down, they let him go. Tears clogged his eyes, throat, and made his cheeks wet, and he could just make out his broken voice begging for them to “make it stop...please, make it stop.” 

It didn’t take long for his eyes to shut, and the pain to fade away once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, I looooove hearing what you think.


	6. Six - Wolfsbane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags have been added, check them out before reading this and upcoming chapters. 
> 
> Thanks to **Immi** for the beta job, as always. 
> 
> Hope you guys like it, I look forward to writing and posting the next one. Things are starting to really heat up.

Josh woke with a start. When he finally opened his eyes and focused on a ceiling above him, it felt like he had been floating for an eternity. He gasped in a breath of air that turned into a violent coughing fit. He sat up, trying to catch his breath, but the sudden movement only made his head throb and feel like it was going to explode. 

Every muscle in his body ached like he had run countless miles he was unaware of. His skin felt tender and raw, like he had been put through a cheese grater only to be taped back together into a whole body. He continued to cough, causing his chest to hurt and his eyes to water. 

Hands scrabbled their way onto his skin and he could feel long fingers rubbing his back. “Josh? Hey, easy, easy.” He heard Ryan’s voice whisper into his ear. 

Finally, his cough subsided and he was able to take a few deep breaths without nearly dying. He wiped his eyes, groaning in pain. Ryan kept whispering soothing words as he gasped for air, and eventually was laid back down. He took notice that he was on some sort of bed. 

Ryan grabbed onto his face, examining him. His eyes were still watery but he could see that the brown eyes he fell in love with were red and swollen, with dried tear tracks decorating his cheeks. His skin was so pale it was almost sickly, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in a week. “You’re okay,” he said reverently, like he was just realizing it for the first time. “You’re okay. Fuck.” His voice was wrecked and breaking on nearly every word. “Fuck. Fuck. You’re okay. Fuck.” 

He dove into Josh, burying his face into his chest. “I thought you were gone,” he let out, choking on a sob. Josh wrapped his arms around him without a second thought. He was in a ton of pain, but Ryan was more important. Ryan held on tight, like he was afraid Josh was going to disappear any minute. 

Josh was just trying to wrap his head around what happened. The last thing he remembered was getting silver into his open wound, and a vague memory of them sticking him with a needle. He looked down at his arm to see that his wounds were completely healed, no black cuts, or infection to be found. He held onto Ryan, enjoying the feeling of his body against him.

But he had to ask. “What happened?” His throat was raw, but he couldn’t put all the pieces together. 

Ryan pulled the comforter over them and moved his head from Josh’s chest to his neck. He pressed a few kisses against the skin. Josh started running his hands through Ryan’s curls almost on autopilot. “Ry?” Josh pressed again softly. 

Ryan kept his arms securely around Josh’s waist so his body was curled up against his side. Their legs tangled together in a way that seemed almost practiced. Ryan took a deep breath, blowing out the air against Josh’s neck. “Fuck. I put silver on my hand because it was burned, you know? Then I touched one of your wounds like an idiot and the silver got inside. It started turning black and you passed out and-” he bit his lip. Josh held onto him tightly, not urging him to continue until he wanted to. Ryan took a shaky breath. “I took your phone and called Spencer. We dragged your body back to my house, it felt like hours because you’re really fucking heavy.” Josh managed as small laugh as Ryan rubbed at his nose. “We got you inside but the black was spreading. It was all over your shoulder, and I knew if it got to your heart you would die. And fuck it would be all my fault. I would have killed you.” 

“Hey,” Josh whispered, as Ryan buried his face into his neck again, like he was trying to hide. “Hey,” he whispered again, grabbing onto Ryan’s hand to twine their fingers together. “I’m right here. You didn’t kill me. You didn’t know. It’s my fault, I’m the one who didn’t-” he cut himself off as his heart seized in his chest. Because Ryan knew now. Ryan knew that he was a wolf. 

“I felt so helpless, but Spencer started researching and insisted there had to be a way to cure you.” Ryan subconsciously squeezed Josh’s hand even tighter. “He found a forum that said if you injected a wolf with wolfsbane after they get silver poisoning it cures it.” 

Josh wrinkled his brows. “But wolfsbane is like, a crazy strong poison?” 

Ryan hummed, nuzzling Josh’s neck. “So according to the forum, silver is poisonous because it stops your immune system. Which is why silver bullets are fatal no matter where they hit, because your body can’t heal with silver infecting your system, you know? And when it reaches your heart, your body can’t fight back, so it stops it. But wolfsbane, if infected with it, would cause your immune system to work overtime, so much that it actually can’t focus enough to heal anything. It just causes a fever, and then you die. Though, when injecting it into someone with silver poisoning it kick-starts your immune system, so it cycles both infections out.” 

Josh pressed his nose against Ryan’s hair, taking in his scent, mixed with the slight smell of his shampoo. “Wait,” Josh broke away from him, “where the fuck did you guys get wolfsbane?” 

Ryan blushed, actually blushed, his cheeks turning red. “Well, there’s this guy Gabe, and he always has anything you need. He always knows a guy, you know?” 

Josh couldn’t help but think of Pete and sighed in resignation. “Yes, I do know.” 

Ryan sat up, so he was looking at Josh. He had dark circles under his eyes. Even though Josh’s body protested, he reached up and stroked over them with his thumb. Ryan smiled smally and held onto Josh’s hand against his face. His forearm was resting against Josh’s chest, holding him up. He opened his eyes, and the mood suddenly turned somber. “You died.” 

Josh raised his eyebrow. “Umm, what?” 

Ryan continued to hold onto his hand. “One of the things about injecting you with wolfsbane is that you would have to die before your immune system restarted. When you were injected you started screaming-” Josh felt Ryan’s body shaking. “God, you screamed, even after you were passed out, you were still screaming.” 

Josh ran his fingers up Ryan’s spine, bunching up his t-shirt, and scratching the skin, without harm. Ryan continued to shake, even through Josh’s touch. “I was so scared,” he whispered, and when he opened his eyes a few tears fell out, landing on Josh’s bare chest. 

Josh didn’t hesitate in pulling him as close as possible, adjusting the covers so they were in a cocoon. He grabbed onto Ryan’s face with both hands, and wiped away the tears. He pressed his lips against the brown-eye boys’ feverently. Ryan could only pull himself back a few millimeters mumbling things like “I thought you were never going to wake up,” and “you can’t leave me,” in between the onslaught of kisses Josh left on his lips. 

Josh held on tightly to the curls around the back of Ryan’s neck. “I’m right here.” His words caused Ryan to shiver violently. 

Ryan pulled away again suddenly, his eyes intense. Josh barely restrained himself from letting out a whine at the loss of Ryan’s soft lips against his. “Josh,” he asked, then his voice got immeasurably softer. “Am I…” he looked away, but then turned back putting all of his attention to tracing random designs with his finger along Josh’s chest, instead of looking him in the eye. “Am I your, you know…mate?” 

“Yes,” Josh breathed without hesitation. “You’re my mate and you’re all mine, and I-” he swallowed heavily, but unable to keep the next words back. “I love you.” 

Ryan closed his eyes, and took a deep breath before opening them again. “I think I…” he trailed off, the and the pause hung in the air, seeming like it lasted an eternity. Ryan bit his lip, then seemed to decide on what he was going to say next. “I love you too.” 

Josh smashed their lips together again, pulling Ryan up by the back of his neck. Ryan squirmed on top of him, rubbing his body all over Josh, and Josh loved it. His body was sore, but he could forget about it with Ryan’s skin pressed against his own. Their hands wandered, trailing all over every inch of skin they could reach. Ryan pulled on Josh’s hair, causing him to groan and arch up. 

Ryan adjusted his legs so that Josh could grind on his thigh, while Ryan grinded against Josh’s. Josh sat up jerkily, pulling Ryan into his lap. Ryan immediately spread his legs so that he was wrapped around Josh’s waist. Their lips mashed against each other, not wanting to break away for even a breath of air. Ryan’s nails raked up Josh’s back, which caused Josh to growl, moving his lips to mark up Ryan’s neck. 

Ryan tilted his head to the side, and panted as Josh bit into the soft flesh there, rubbing his tongue over the marks, alternating between sucking, and peppering it with kisses. He loved the breathy gasps that Ryan let out whenever his lips trailed over that one spot below his jaw that Josh had memorized by now. 

“I want,” Ryan gasped out, stopping his words with a small moan as Josh continued to abuse his neck. He needed to mark Ryan up, it was his desire to claim him so that everyone would know. He was his mate and nobody else was allowed to have him. Ryan sucked in a breath as peppered softer, more innocent kisses over the marks he had made. “I want you to knot me.” 

Josh groaned loudly. He had to close his eyes as the coiling heat of want settled in his stomach wanting to just fold Ryan in half and fuck him so hard he was screaming, yelling out Josh’s name like it was the only word he knew. Ryan was still grinding down onto his lap, and Josh felt his dick jumping in his pants at Ryan’s words. 

“Baby-” he started, trying to gain some control in his clouded brain. “We shouldn’t.” 

Ryan whined, pressing himself close. “Please, I want to be yours. I want to feel you.” 

Josh wrapped his arms around Ryan’s tiny biceps, he pulled him off his lap and down onto the bed so that he was on top of him. Their feets rested against the pillows at the top of the bed. Ryan was watching Josh with wild eyes. “Do you understand what knotting means, baby?” Ryan was panting just as hard as Josh, and nodded. Josh studied him for a few short seconds, trying to put back all of his brain cells. “Tell me.” 

Ryan squirmed trying to get friction. “It means that we’re officially mated. That I’m yours, and you’re mine. There’s no one else. I don’t care if you can track me, and never let me go, I want you inside of me. Joshy, I wanna be yours, please,” his voice cracked on the last word. 

Josh drew his eyebrows together, confused. “Track you?” 

Ryan whined. “Like, you’ll be able to hunt me down by my scent, and never let me leave. You’ll be able to track me wherever I am, but I don’t care, I just want you.” 

“Wait, baby, wait,” Josh cooed, trying to hold back a laugh as he held Ryan’s hips down so he could stop him for grinding against him, and distracting him from wrapping his brain around his words. “We can’t track you. Knotting just means you’re officially my mate, and I’ll feel incomplete with anyone but you. It’s a way of claiming. Every wolf can tell when you’ve been knotted, and claimed, so they’ll leave you alone. I can track your scent for like, two or three miles at most. But knotting has nothing to do with that, baby. I mean, if you ever decide to leave I’ll be heartbroken, but I won’t stalk you.” 

“Fuck.” Ryan groaned. “God, Joshy, I wanna feel you so bad. I want you knot in me. I was so scared I was never going to have you, that you were gone. Fuck I just want you inside of me, please Joshy.” 

“That’s another thing,” Josh said calmly, though the boy beneath him was an absolute wreck. “I don’t want you to do this just because I almost died. I want it to be because you want it, and understand completely the gravity of it. I love you, but I don’t want you to want me just because you’re terrified of losing me.” 

Ryan rubbed his hands over his face, and breathed in shakily. “I just,” he hiccuped. “I’m your mate and you’re so sure. You don’t have to prove anything, because the tie is there. I love you and I want to be yours like that. I want you to knot me, I want to be yours.” 

“Hey,” Josh pressed a kiss to his lips, and continued to kiss around his face. “We don’t have to knot for me to know you love me. You show it in so many other ways, and you don’t have to prove that you’re mine. I know that too.” 

Ryan shivered at his words. “I know that, I just…I want you to knot me. I need you, Joshy.” 

Josh bit his lips, but found his resolve weakening as he stared at the gorgeous boy beneath him. He had been fighting his desire to knot him since the first time they kissed, and now he was begging for it. Who was he to deny him? Josh gave him a small smile. “Okay.” 

Josh leaned down and kissed him again, Ryan responded eagerly, wrapping his hands around Josh’s neck, effectively pushing their bodies against each other. Josh trailed his hands down Ryan’s body, eventually making their way to the bottom of his t-shirt. He bunched it up so Ryan’s smooth, bony chest was exposed. Josh ducked down and wrapped his lips around one of Ryan’s nipples. He made a high-pitched noise in the back of his throat. 

Josh bit gently at the puckered flesh, causing Ryan to arch up into the touch. He removed his mouth, then continued with the other nipple. Ryan panted heavily, hands grabbing onto Josh’s curly purple hair for dear life. After biting that nipple gently, he pushed himself up and tugged Ryan’s shirt off his head. Ryan sat up briefly to make the process easier, but they went right back to necking as soon as the said clothing item had been appropriately tossed to the other side of the room. 

Josh kissed his way down Ryan’s stomach, and began pulling down the sweatpants he had around his waist. When it was pulled down to expose his thighs Josh pressed kisses against his prominent hip bones. He was obsessed with them. With leaving bruises on them, or just kissing the sensitive thin strip of skin that stretched over them. After exploring it with his tongue for a good measure Josh pulled the rest of the pants off, tossing them in the same direction of Ryan’s shirt. 

When Ryan was just in his boxers Josh had to take a minute just to take it all in. Ryan was so unfairly gorgeous, with the fresh purple marks gleaming against his neck, with his brown curls matted against his sweaty forehead. His pupils were blown, and all Josh wanted to do was taste every inch of skin in front of him. He knew it would taste salty, with the underlying musk that only belonged to Ryan. He was so fucking lucky that Ryan was his, and only his. 

Ryan started tugging at Josh’s basketball shorts, slipping his hand underneath the waistband to grab at his ass over his boxers. Josh brought his mouth back up to Ryan’s face so he could kiss his swollen lips a few more times, before he hurriedly removed his the shorts. They were both in a pair of thin boxers, and Josh wanted nothing more than to just get naked, and have their bare skin rub together intensely. 

“So gorgeous,” Josh told Ryan, before sliding down in-between his legs. He kissed as much of Ryan’s thighs as he could, while Ryan trembled beneath him. “So pretty,” he told him before sucking a bruise into his thigh. Ryan keened loudly, and that only made Josh’s mouth work more desperately, mouthing over every inch of skin he could see and get his hands on. He brought his lips up to Ryan’s hard dick straining against his tight boxers. Josh covered the bulge with his mouth, tasting the bits of pre-cum that had soaked through his underwear. 

Ryan moaned loudly, tugging on Josh’s hair harshly. “Please,” he gasped. “I need you inside of me, Joshy.” 

Josh groaned, palming at his own bulge. He hooked his fingers under Ryan’s boxers, and pulled them down slowly, mirroring the way he had taken off the sweatpants. When they were off he appreciate the sight of Ryan’s hard and leaking dick. Josh had never really been a cock kind of guy before. Sure, he had one, but he had never seen the appeal. But staring at Ryan’s he understood. His mouth watered, and he wanted to wrap his lips around Ryan’s cock, and suck his fucking brains out. But, he cataloged that thought process for another time. Right now they had a mission. 

Ryan’s hands removed themselves from Josh’s hair and tugged down his boxers desperately so that they were finally naked. Josh grabbed onto the comforter of the bed them, twisting and pulling at it until it was covering both of their bodies from head to toe. It was suddenly secluded, as if they were in their own little world. 

“Just us,” Josh whispered against the skin covering Ryan’s collarbones. “We don’t have to worry about anyone else, it’s just us.” 

Ryan nodded, pressing his face into Josh’s neck. Josh kissed the top of his head. “Do you have any lube, baby?” Ryan’s eyes widened slightly as he pulled back. He winced before shaking his head. Josh bit his lip. “Maybe we shouldn’t-” 

“No,” Ryan spat venomously. “I can take it. “

Josh trailed his thumb over the marks he had left earlier, Ryan closed his eyes, though his breath hitched whenever Josh pressed into them. Josh let his fingers rest over Ryan’s lips. “I’m gonna need you to suck these for me, okay baby?” 

Ryan opened his mouth, eyes still closed, as Josh stuck in his fingers gently. Ryan sucked in all three fingers, hollowing his cheeks and coating them with a generous amount of spit. “So good, baby.” Josh told him. “You look so good, I love you.” 

Ryan mumbled “I love you too,” when Josh finally removed his fingers. He placed them at Ryan’s entrance. The brown-eyed boy sucked in a breath before he spread his legs. “Good boy,” Josh told him gently, causing Ryan to smile shyly. “Have you fingered yourself before?” He asked, tone concerned. If he hadn’t there was no way Josh was going to be able to knot him, because he was a human, and especially without any lube. 

Ryan blushed as he nodded. He bit his lip, leaning up to whisper into Josh’s ear. “I fingered myself on Saturday morning. I thought about seeing you, you fucking me against the slide.” 

Josh groaned. “Fuck Ry,” 

Josh felt frenzied, reaching for any part of Ryan he could reach. He pressed kisses to his face, his nose, his, neck, his collarbones, and sucked over the skin on his stomach. “So fucking perfect. Fuck, you’re so hot Ry. Love you so much.” 

Finally, he slid down so that he was in-between Ryan’s spread legs. His finger circled his entrance. He gave Ryan a look before sliding it in. Ryan’s hole was so warm and tight, Josh’s dick twitched at just the thought of having his dick inside of him. “More,” Ryan gasped out, grabbing onto the sheets on the bed. Josh complied, filling Ryan’s hole with another finger. Ryan rocked back on the two fingers, his mouth open as he gasped for air. Josh couldn’t help but launch himself up, pressing his mouth against Ryan’s open one. Ryan could barely kiss back from all the noises he was letting out and Josh fucking loved it. 

“You want another one?” He asked, and he twisted his two fingers inside Ryan, causing him to squirm and whine. Ryan nodded, desperately, sweat beads forming on his temple and chest. Josh gently inserted the third finger. Ryan winced a little this time, but was rocking back on it in no time. Ryan was taking Josh’s fingers so well, the sight of his fingers going in and out of his hole already had his cock leaking, and he could feel his knot swelling. 

“Josh please,” Ryan whined. “I want your knot, please.” 

Josh pulled his fingers out, giving Ryan a small smile. Ryan grabbed onto Josh’s hand. “Wait I actually, I think I might have some lube under my bed.” 

Ryan wiggled underneath him, before rolling over to reach under the bed. After a few tantalizing seconds he pulled out a bottle of lube, mostly filled. There was only a small portion at the top missing. Ryan gave Josh a shy smile before handing over the bottle. 

Josh took it from his hands, but pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead. “So beautiful.” He poured a generous amount of the lube onto his cock, stroking it a few times. He made sure he was securely on his knees before clutching onto Ryan’s hips with both hands. Ryan spread his legs as far as he could, while biting his lips. Josh leaned down so that their foreheads were pressed together. “This is probably going to hurt. But I’m going to go slow, and I want you to tell me when it gets to be too much. Okay?” 

Ryan sucked in a breath before nodding. Josh pressed his dick into Ryan’s entrance, going as slow as possible. Josh could feel the wolf inside of him clawing at his chest as a tight heat covered the head of his cock. Ryan squeezed his eyes shut, and Josh forced himself to stop, to make sure Ryan was okay. He leaned over him, and tangled their fingers together against the sheets that scratched at their hyper-sensitive skin. 

“Keep going,” Ryan gasped out, and Josh slid in a little bit further. His knot wasn’t completely full yet, and he was trying his best to keep it as small as possible, to help Ryan. His cock was now halfway in. He gritted his teeth, using every ounce of willpower in him to not just slam in, and fuck him as hard and brutal as he could. 

Ryan opened his eyes, and Josh could see the tears in them. “I love you,” he croaked desperately, “please.” 

Josh felt his heart clench in his chest over how gone he was for him. He was so beautiful, and all his. He kissed over Ryan’s eyelids, and lashes, making his lips salty from the tears there. As soon as Ryan took in a large rattling breath, Josh slid the rest of the way in. 

Ryan gasped at the intrusion, and his hands scrabbled to hold onto Josh’s chest, back, and shoulders, trying to ground himself somehow. Ryan whimpered quietly. Josh kissed all over his face, and neck, and anywhere he could reach. “You’re doing so good, baby.” He told him, tangling his fingers into his brown curls. “Love you so much.” 

Josh wrapped his arms around Ryan as the older boy tried to get used to the feel of Josh inside of him. Ryan started shaking, and Josh pulled him back slightly, only to have Ryan lurch forward and bury his face into his neck. That was when he realized Ryan was crying. 

“Hey,” Josh whispered. He felt his heart stop, at the fact that Ryan was crying. “Hey, baby, what’s wrong?” He tried to pull Ryan away again. “Am I hurting you?” 

Ryan shook his head, only holding on tighter. “I just want to feel you, please. Joshy, I want you so bad, please.” 

Josh laid Ryan back down onto the bed as gently as he could, readjusting the comforter over them. “You have me,” Josh told him firmly, pressing his hands away from Josh’s shoulders, to lay flat on the bed. “You have all of me, forever.” He kissed over the blue veins on Ryan’s wrist, before kissing his lips softly. He felt a few tears of his own welling at how vulnerable Ryan was. At how lucky he was to able to see this, to have him. 

“I want to be yours.” Ryan whispered, his voice clogged from the tears. “Move.” 

Josh stared at him for a few seconds before moving his hips. He did it as slow as he could. Instead of Ryan wincing like he expected, he gasped. Josh’s first couple of thrusts were gentle, and really more slight grindings than actual thrusts. 

Ryan wrapped his legs around Josh’s waist, and brought his hands back to Josh’s back. “I need-” he whined in the back of his throat. “I need more, Josh, fuck.” 

Josh took that as a cue to start speeding up his thrusts. His knot was now fully swelled, and Ryan was so tight around him it was almost painful. Josh couldn’t help but let out little groans at how good he felt. Ryan started scratching at his back, letting out small moans of his own. 

“So beautiful,” Josh gasped against Ryan’s mouth as they both panted. “All mine.” 

Ryan gasped as Josh slammed into him. “Yours,” he whimpered before letting out a high pitched moan. “Fuck, Joshy.” 

Josh held Ryan’s hands above his head, fingers wrapped around each other, while he thrusted into him. He made sure to avoid the burnt areas along Ryan’s palm, as to not hurt him. “Gonna,” Josh’s hips stuttered, “knot you so that everyone knows you’re mine. So everyone can smell it on you, how you’re mine.” 

Josh could feel his knot throbbing and he knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. Ryan’s head was thrown back as he continuously took in ragged breaths that were cut off by moans, and gasps that Josh decided were his favorite sounds ever. He couldn’t help pressing his lips messily against Ryan’s - to catch all the sounds, and feel them vibrate against his tongue, into his own mouth. 

“Touch me, Joshy, please,” Ryan whimpered against his lips. 

Josh pulled his hand away from Ryan’s and reached down to wrap around the boy’s leaking cock. He started stroking it in time with his thrusts, causing Ryan to squirm, and let out noises even louder than before. “Josh,” Ryan chanted, and Josh was absolutely addicted to how his name fell from Ryan’s swollen lips. “I’m-” he gasped in a breath of air, nails scratching Josh’s back even harder. “I’m gonna-” 

Josh didn’t stop his strokes, and after a few seconds Ryan spilled all over his hand with a choked cry. Ryan fell back, his body and arms going lax beneath Josh. Josh crowded the space on top of him. He was thrusting into Ryan so hard the bed was squeaking. He was so close, and God, Ryan looked so beautiful underneath him. With his sweaty hair plastered to his forehead, hickies glowing against his neck and the blissed out expression on his face. Josh wanted to keep that image forever.

After only a few more thrusts he was spilling inside of Ryan, his knot completely swollen, tying them together. Josh collapsed on top of him, and their sweaty overheated skin rubbed together. “I love you,” Josh told him, meaning it more than he ever had before. Ryan hummed underneath him, warm and sated. 

Josh kissed almost every inch of skin he could. “Love you so much.” 

“Love you too,” Ryan told him, cracking his eyes open. He cupped Josh’s cheek in his hand, giving him a dopey smile. It was only when they had snuggled up against each other that he whispered into Josh’s ear. “You feel so good inside of me.” 

Even though he had just came, Josh felt his cock twitch inside of Ryan. Ryan clearly felt it as it made him giggle, mouth still close to Josh’s ear. 

“I’m keeping you forever,” Josh told him. 

Ryan’s breath hitched. “Forever?” 

Josh kissed his forehead. “Forever.” 

Josh flopped down so he was laying down along Ryan’s side. Ryan ended up jabbing Josh in the ribs with his pointy ass elbows as they adjusted to a more comfortable position. Josh wrapped his arms around Ryan’s small frame so that they were spooning, his dick still inside of him. Ryan sighed contently, snuggling back, so he was pressed as far against Josh as he could. 

“Gonna be here for a little while.” Josh mumbled sleepily, nosing at Ryan’s neck. He loved how their scents had mixed together, but Ryan’s scent was still there under all of it. 

“You’re totally sniffing me,” Ryan said, pretending to be haughty, but Josh could see right through him.

“I totally am,” Josh replied happily, feeling how Ryan’s body shook when he laughed. 

+_+_+

“Hey Tyler,” Josh said into the phone. He had woken up only a little bit ago. He kept his voice down, hastily glancing over at Ryan’s still sleeping form. 

“Josh! What the fuck!” Tyler crowed from over the phone. “Where have you been! Your parents are worried fucking sick, you’re lucky I told them that you’re staying with me.” 

Josh let out a sigh of relief. “Fuck. I owe you, but, I need you to cover for me, for like one more day. Then I swear you can have like, my first born child or something.” 

“J,” Tyler said, but he didn’t sound angry anymore. “If you’re in trouble. We can get you out. I mean, Abbey keeps saying you disappear every night, and that you’re at my house every weekend, when I fucking know you’re not. Just, tell me what’s going on.” 

Josh closed his eyes. “I can’t tell you,” he said regrettably. “But it’s not bad,” he looked over at Ryan again, his eyes closed, looking peaceful and so fucking beautiful. Josh didn’t ever want to leave him, not even for a minute. 

Tyler let out a frustrated sound over the line. “Fuck you, Josh. We’re supposed to be best friends, and we tell each other everything. Now you’re keeping secrets from me? How am I supposed to know it’s not bad when you won’t even tell me!” 

“I just, can’t.” His grip tightened on the phone. “You just have to trust me.” 

“Josh-”

“I gotta go,” he cut Tyler off. “Cover for me, and I’ll tell you everything as soon as I can. I promise.” 

Before Tyler could say anything else he hung up. When he did, he threw his phone down on the floor, and rubbed his hands against his face. He fucking hated lying and keeping secrets from Tyler. But he couldn’t put Ryan at risk. 

He was taken away from his thoughts by the sound of rustling sheets. He turned and saw Ryan sitting up in bed. He had a red pillow line down the side of his face, and his hair was rumpled to all hell. He was so cute Josh wanted to eat him. 

“Who was that?” He asked sleepily. 

“Tyler,” Josh told him, climbing back onto the bed. “He’s gonna cover for me for one more day. So I can lay in bed with you all day.” 

Ryan snuggled into him immediately, before he started tugging at the waistband of Josh’s basketball shorts he had slipped on when he woke up. “No pants,” Ryan said, words slurred and hardly coherent. But he kept pawing at them until Josh chuckled and tugged them off. 

“Happy?” He asked, smirking. 

“Mhm,” Ryan hummed, nearly asleep again. As Josh held him securely in his arms he swore to himself that he would do anything to protect him. Even if the protecting was against himself.


	7. Seven - Run, Baby. Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Songs -   
> White Town - Your Woman  
> Howl - Florence and the Machine

“Favorite memory?” Ryan asked against the skin of Josh’s shoulder. 

They had been up for a little while now, spewing stories and fact about each other like a fucked up game of twenty questions. Josh trailed his finger lightly over the notches of Ryan’s spine that stuck out through the skin on his back. They were pressed together, bodies rubbing whenever either of them breathed - but it wasn’t sexual. Josh genuinely enjoyed being this close to Ryan with nothing separating them. 

“Fuck, uh,” Josh racked his brain. “There was one time my friend Pete almost got me, Tyler, and guy named Patrick arrested.” 

Ryan raised his eyebrow. “Was this recent?” 

Josh laughed, “No we were, fuck, fourteen I think?” Ryan looked at him intensely so Josh continued smiling. “Okay so, Pete totally had a crush on this guy named, Mikey, right? He was only like a year or two older than us, but he was working at the old video store downtown. So Pete, being Pete, wanted to do this big romantic gesture or some shit. For some reason, he thought it would be a good idea to do it when this kid, Mikey, is closing the store. Long story short, the guy panics and ends up calling the cops because he thought we were trying to rob the place.” 

“That is probably the lamest ‘I almost got arrested’ story I’ve ever heard,” Ryan said dryly, but cracked a grin anyway. 

“Yeah, I don’t know, it was kind of weird though.” Josh ran his fingers through Ryan’s hair. “That Mikey kid, and his older brother, I think, Gerard? They both went missing only a few weeks after that.” 

“Weird.” Ryan agreed. There was silence for a few moments before he furrowed his eyebrows. “Wait, you said this was when you were fourteen?” 

Josh furrowed his own brows in return. “Yeah, why?” 

Ryan sat up on his elbow, resting it on Josh’s chest. “Just, there was a guy on my side who went missing around the same time I think. Can’t remember his name for the life of me though.” Ryan continued, “It was a pretty big deal though. The kid’s dad had been the mayor for a while, and he was his only son.” 

Josh frowned. “Yeah that is weird.” 

“Tell me more about your friends,” Ryan said suddenly, burrowing back into Josh’s arms. “I like hearing you talk about them.” 

+_+_+

When Josh could see the sun setting, he let out a breath. The last place he wanted to go was home. Especially now that he had gotten to have Ryan in his arms, in an actual _bed_. It was like waking up from a really good dream. The thought of going back to his house, and his life, without Ryan seemed foreign. 

Ryan’s dad had been out of town that whole weekend, thankfully. He was going fishing with the few friends he had left, so he and Ryan had been left blissfully alone. Josh couldn’t help but smile as he thought back to them stumbling out of bed around noon, and making pancakes. Although, most of them ended up burnt due to Josh distracting Ryan with his hands on his hips, and his mouth on his neck, shoulders, and anywhere he could reach. 

Of course Ryan had bitched the whole time, but Josh loved it. Only letting up when Ryan smacked him on his bare chest with a spatula and threatened starving him. Josh didn’t wear a shirt the whole day - something Ryan didn’t seem to protest too much about. The t-shirt he had been wearing was covered in blood and sweat, and had to be practically ripped off of him when he had silver poisoning. Ryan had offered him one of his shirts, but when trying it on it looked more like a baby shirt, and couldn’t even fit over his broad shoulders. 

Ryan’s fingers gripped even tighter onto Josh’s skin as he noticed the glow of the sun filtering in through the partially open curtains. “I gotta go, baby.” Josh told him softly, whispering the words into his neck as he shifted. Ryan made a small noise that sounded a lot like ‘no’ as he buried himself deeper into Josh’s side. 

Josh didn’t want to leave either, but he knew he had to be home by dinner to not raise any suspicion from his parents. Reluctantly, he removed himself from Ryan’s embrace and sat on the edge of the bed, so his back was facing him. 

“Can you knot me before you go?” Ryan asked, purposely making his voice sound innocent, if not a little breathy.

Josh groaned, and ran his fingers through his hair. Flipping back around, he kissed Ryan’s lips. “Now that’s just not playing fair.” 

Ryan grinned at him, wrapping his arms around his neck as Josh laid on top of him. Josh couldn’t help but kiss him again, he couldn’t resist. Ryan whined, and kissed back desperately. “You could,” Ryan panted in-between the onslaught of kisses, Josh was pressing against his lips and neck. “Always say Tyler’s parents insisted,” he gasped as Josh dug his teeth into a mark that had been made the previous night. “Fuck, Joshy,” he groaned himself, starting to roll his hips against Josh’s. 

Josh hummed, fingering the waistband of Ryan’s boxers. “His parents insisted, what?” 

Ryan blinked slowly at him. It took him a minute to remember what they had been talking about, and it had Josh grinning wide and bright, making him hold back a laugh. “Insisted you stayed for dinner,” he finished. 

Josh hummed again. “I don’t know,” he teased, pretending like that wasn’t the best fucking idea he’s ever heard. “Then I’ll be hungry.” 

Ryan huffed, and Josh knew he was gonna say something bitchy again so he slipped his hand down his boxers sneakily and started stroking his cock. Ryan keened underneath Josh’s fingers. He immediately got squirmy and Josh fucking loved it. Loved how he would whine, and couldn’t keep still. 

“I guess I could stay over at Tyler’s a little longer,” Josh conceded before tugging off Ryan’s boxers completely.

+_+_+

The walk back was bitterly cold. Josh thought back to Ryan who was still curled up in his warm bed. Then his mind drifted to all the bare skin that was definitely under those sheets and tried to think of something else. Boners are no fun to walk with after all. So, he rubbed his hands together, then shoved them as far into his pockets as they could go and kept walking. Purposely keeping his mind off of Ryan. 

When he got back home he was shivering, on account of only wearing a hoodie and basketball shorts. A hoodie that he had to pry from Ryan’s reluctant greedy hoodie-stealing hands, he might add. Though when he walked through the front door he was only greeted by the brief site of his parents washing dishes in the kitchen.

He tried to get to his room without any questions, but was immediately spotted by his mom. “Joshua, get in here. Your father and I want to talk to you.” 

Josh turned around, and hesitantly walked into the kitchen. His heart was pounding, and all he could think about was the possibilities of what his parents wanted to talk about. He couldn’t think of anything good. 

“Did you and Tyler have fun?” 

His mother’s tone was light, but it still made his palms sweat. “Yeah, it was nice to hang out with him. With graduation coming up and everything.” 

His father nodded along, then sent his mother a look that Josh couldn’t decipher. “We actually wanted to talk about Tyler.” His father paused. “You’ve been spending a lot of time together recently.” Josh couldn’t figure out if it was his imagination or not, but he sounded like he was suspicious. 

“We just want you to get serious about college, Josh.” His mother broke in. “Most of the other kids in your grade have already applied or have been accepted into schools.”

Josh barely kept himself from outwardly sighing in relief. “Mom, Dad, you know I don’t want to go to college.” 

His mother sighed. “I know you’ve said that. But are you sure you can’t even go to a community college around here? It’s just such a waste not to go to college.” 

Josh rubbed his temples, groaning. “I have school tomorrow, I’m not talking about this right now.” 

His parents looked at each other and he could tell that they were disappointed. It made a stone settle in the pit of his stomach. He hated disappointing his parents, but he didn’t want to do what they wanted. Plus, he didn’t want to be tied to a college when he didn’t even know what was going to happen with him and Ryan. 

After he trudged up the stairs to his bedroom, he sent a quick text to Ryan before passing out. Not even taking off his stupid hoodie and basketball shorts. Or showering. 

_meet you tomorrow, love you_

+_+_+

School seemed to drag on the next day. Josh couldn’t focus in any of his classes, and his leg wouldn’t stop bouncing. He tried to keep up with the conversations of his friends, but couldn’t help but space out, thinking about Ryan. 

Whenever anyone asked, he either said that he didn’t feel well or had a headache. Although every time he replied with that he could see Tyler glaring at him out of the corner of his eye. He knew Tyler was probably mad at him, but he hoped he would forgive him after he was able to explain everything to him. 

+_+_+

When Josh walked to the park that night, he couldn’t help but keep looking over his shoulder. He felt like he was being watched, even though he knew it was probably just paranoia speaking. Him and Ryan had been texting throughout the day, and into the evening. It was making Josh jittery just to be able to touch him, and smell him again. 

His feet crunched against the twigs and sticks that led through the woods on the wolf side. The walk seemed to last ten times longer than usual, but finally he made it to the clearing of the playground. When he looked around though, there was no Ryan. 

A hot stab of fear trickled down his arms - giving him chills - and into his stomach. Something was wrong. He could feel it in every bone of his body. He could feel something bad about to happen, but he couldn’t figure out what it was. Ryan was always there before him. Always. He swiveled around wildly, the feeling of being tailed hadn’t disappeared. But he couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary. Even when he switched to night vision, making his eyes glow a bright blue.

His phone started ringing, and the shrill sound of his ringtone nearly made his heart stop. He clutched a hand to his chest and he gasped out a breath of air. He picked up the phone, and immediately heard Ryan rambling on the other side. “-little late, I’m leaving now and I should be there soon. I fell asleep. But I’m coming.” 

Josh closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was being ridiculous. Everything was fine. He was probably on edge because the moon was looming closer, and this was going to be his first change as an Alpha, asserting his status. He had nothing to worry about and was being crazy. “That’s fine baby,” he heard himself say, but it sounded far away, like the words weren’t coming out of his mouth. He couldn’t shake the inkling that something bad was about to happen, even though he knew rationally everything was normal. “Take your time. I’ll be right here.” 

He sat down and made himself comfortable on the yellow slide on the far side of the playground. He put in one headphone and tried to listen to music to distract him. After a few minutes he heard the tell-tale sound of feet crunching against the twigs and earth surrounding the mulch outer-layer of the playground. 

He turned his head to the right and saw Ryan making his way over. As usual, he was swallowed in one of Josh’s blue hoodies. It made him look even tinier, and God, Josh was so in love with him he could barely stand it. 

When Ryan got over to him, Josh couldn’t keep the goofy grin off his face. Ryan smiled back as Josh tangled their fingers together and pulled him closer. He took in Ryan’s scent, now that he was right in front of him, and wanted to sigh from relief. 

He stood up from the slide, putting his back to the wolf side of the playground, and placed his hands on Ryan’s hips. He leaned down to kiss him-

“Josh?”

Josh whipped around and saw Tyler making his way out of the woods. He looked hopelessly confused, underlaced with an intense anger, one Josh had never seen in him. Josh’s blood ran cold and he immediately shoved Ryan protectively behind him. 

He could feel Ryan holding onto the back of his shirt and his arm for dear life. “Tyler,” Josh spoke, holding out his hand. “I need you to listen to me.” 

“What the fuck, Josh! He’s a human!” Tyler yelled, sounding impossibly even angrier. “He’s a fucking human! Is this what you’ve been doing every night and weekend?”

Everything seemed to slow down as he watched Tyler extend his claws out from his hands, his face morphing to appear more wolf-like, and his eyes glowing the same bright blue as Josh’s had. Josh didn’t even think before he was reacting. He transformed in seconds, so he matched Tyler’s form. He launched himself at him, grabbing him up by the collar as Tyler growled and snarled in his face. “What are you doing?” Tyler spat. 

“You don’t touch him,” Josh snarled back, his voice taking on a ferocity he didn’t even know he was capable of until now someone was threatening Ryan. “You don’t get to fucking touch him.” 

Tyler scrabbled against his vice grip, and started clawing at any skin he could reach. Josh only held on tighter to Tyler’s collar, holding him now almost off the ground. He turned back to Ryan, to see him cowering, his eyes wide in terror. He screamed to him, just wanting him to get out of here, get to somewhere - anywhere - that was safe.

“Run!”


	8. Eight - The Closet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I haven't updated in four months. I really have no excuses, my life has just been insane, and I also beta like four other fics on the side. But I'm back! This fic will not be abandoned I promise! And I think I've got about four chapters left, give or take, with an epilogue. Special thanks to **Immi** for betaing, as always. Another thanks to **Lettie** for giving me ideas and making this chapter wayyyyy better.

Josh shoved Tyler down onto the ground, but as soon as Ryan had bolted, he dropped his claws. He didn’t want to hurt Tyler, but protecting Ryan was his priority. Tyler panted from his position on the playground floor, but dropped his claws and wolf facade as well. 

“Josh, what the fuck is going on?”

Josh swallowed and tugged his fingers through his hair. He hadn’t been planning on telling Tyler for a while, and definitely was going to do it on his own terms. “You have to promise not to hurt him.”

 

Tyler got up and wiped the mulch off of his clothes. “If he’s hurting you, I’m going to hurt him. I’ve got your back if you’re in trouble.” Tyler insisted. “But I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”

Josh looked at him for a second. This was his best friend. Surely he could trust him, couldn’t he? “You have to promise not to breathe a word of this to anyone. I mean it. This could get both of us killed.” 

Tyler’s eyes widened before he whispered. “Josh, what the fuck have you gotten yourself into?” Josh was quiet. “Look, I won’t tell anyone. But, I will tell Jenna - that’s kind of a given.” 

“His name is Ryan.” Josh chewed on his lip while he paused. “He’s my mate.”

Tyler didn’t breathe a word and just stared at him. “Josh, I don’t know what he’s told you, or wrangled you into, but humans and wolves don’t mate. This is ridiculous!”

“Tyler, listen to me.” Josh could feel himself begging, but he couldn’t lose Ryan, or Tyler. “It sounds crazy. But I feel it. I know he’s my mate. God, he’s amazing. The humans, they’re not that bad. I’m starting to think that all the things we grew up hearing aren’t true, because I mean, they were told crazy things about wolves that aren’t true!” 

Tyler shook his head. “Josh do you have any idea-”

“I love him.” Josh seethed. 

Tyler blinked at him. The air went dead silent. You could’ve heard a pen drop from feet away. The older boy closed his eyes and ran his hands down his face. “Fucking Christ,” He breathed in exasperation. He gave Josh a calculated glance before sitting down onto the rope squares that made a ladder up to one section of the playground equipment. “Okay.” Tyler said after a while. “Tell me about him.”

It was Josh’s turn to blink as Tyler only stared at him. “If you’re in love with him, then tell me about him. Tell me what’s so special.” 

Josh didn’t like his tone, but he knew Tyler enough to know that this was some sort of test. “He’s just. He’s Ryan. Like, there’s no word in the English language to describe him, you know? He’s really quiet, but I think it’s only because he has so much going on in his head he thinks it through faster than he could ever speak it. But when you get him on a subject he likes he won’t stop until you forcibly cover his mouth. His eyes get so bright though, I’ve never had the heart to stop him. And god, he loves music too. He can play like forty billion instruments, but still thinks that he’s shit at everything. He doesn’t have an iPod because he can’t afford one. But I’ve downloaded everything he’s ever mentioned. He always tells me not too but whenever he listens to The Beatles, or Queen, or the Smiths he’ll get this dopey grin on his face, and it’s so worth it.” Josh took in a deep breath as he processed his word vomit. He wasn’t even close to being done though. 

“When I go home the whole walk it feels like someone is clawing at my chest, because I want nothing more than to come back and spend all night with him. All I want is to keep him safe. Sometimes he comes and he has these bruises, and one time-” he abruptly cut himself off, trying to keep his claws from coming out again just thinking about it. “His dad stuck his hand on a fucking burner. His dad uses him as a fucking punching bag and it makes me want to kill him.” His voice went low on the last few words and felt his heart thud at saying those words out loud for the first time. “It terrifies me how much I want to go over and claw his dad’s throat out for ever touching him. Because no one should get to fucking touch him.”

He saw Tyler’s jaw clench at the mention of Ryan’s dad, but he didn’t stop. Couldn’t stop. Tyler had to know. He had to know everything. 

“Sometimes when he looks at me my chest hurts, and I get dizzy. I don’t know what that means but…” he trailed off. “I do know that I’m so gone for him. I know you don’t think so but, fuck. Ty, he’s it for me.” 

Tyler didn’t say anything. He seemed to be thinking over all the things that Josh had said. “He’s still a human, Josh.” 

“He saved my life.” Josh told him, and before Tyler could say anything else he continued. “When the alarms went off and you told my parents I was staying with you I was with him. As soon as the alarms went off I thought it was him. It was the worst thing I’ve ever felt. It felt like a piece of me had been ripped out, like someone tore off my arm or something. And it would be all my fault because I hadn’t met up with him, I wasn’t with him to protect him all because I was so caught up in my status and being fucking stupid. But when I saw he was okay, god, I knew I couldn’t live without him.” 

“Okay, but how does that mean he saved your life?” 

Josh put his head down a bit, feeling a little sheepish at the next part. “Well, when I was running to get here I fell and cut my arm, which wasn’t a big deal, it wasn’t even deep. But uh, that was right after Ryan’s dad had burned his hand, and he put liquid silver on it to heal it. When he inspected it he accidentally touched it and got silver into it.”

Tyler’s eyes widened. “You mean-”

“Yeah,” Josh swallowed, and shivered at the memory of the intense pain, and the ice cold bucket of fear as he felt like he was going to die. “One of Ryan’s friends did some research and it turns out that if you inject a person who has silver poisoning with wolfsbane they like, cancel each other out? I don’t really know the logistics very well but, he saved my life.”

Tyler took a moment, then sighed. “Look, I know you think you love him. I’ve just- I’ve never heard of a wolf and a human mating before. Are you sure? I mean-”

 

Josh didn’t let him finish. “I knotted him.” 

Tyler closed his eyes and kicked a rock before turning around and facing Josh. “Fuck, okay. I’ll have to talk to Jenna, but fuck, okay. Do you guys have a plan? Because there’s no way you can come out, especially not here. I mean, unless you plan to just meet up at this park for the rest of your lives. And, I want to meet him. If he’s your mate, and he’s really it for you then I’m going to need to meet him properly.” 

Josh surged forward, and pulled Tyler into a tight hug. “Thank you, thank you so much.”

Tyler rubbed his hands down his face. “Alright, I’ll cover for you tonight.” 

Josh furrowed his brows, “Wait, why?”

Tyler looked at him incredulously. “Well, considering your mate just ran off terrified, I’m gonna guess that you’re going to need to find him and work things out.” 

“Shit,” Josh swore, and swiveled to look at the line of trees that separated them from the human side of town. “You’re right. Thanks, I promise you’ll get to meet him as soon as possible.” he then jerked his thumb back, “I’m gonna, yeah.”

Tyler pulled him in for another hug, and gave him a small smile. “When you get back we are having a long conversation. You’re going to tell me everything and answer all my questions. But first, go fucking get him.” 

Josh gave him one last look before he started heading off to the human side of town. Thankfully, as long as he kept his eyes from going into night-vision and acted as non-suspicious as possible no one would catch on. Making it through the trees was the easy part. Once he made it to the outskirts of town his stomach tightened. 

His goal was to be as natural as possible, but it was hard when he walked down a  
side-walk and felt as if everyone was looking at him, even though he knew logically they weren’t. He also had a brief moment of panic when he couldn’t remember exactly where Ryan lived. Luckily, a blinking neon “open” sign caught his attention. It was hanging out front of a corner store that he remembered being close to Ryan’s house. 

He tried to pick up Ryan’s scent, but there were too many people and scents he had never smelled before swirling around the air for him to distinguish Ryan’s. With a resigned sigh, he headed inside the corner store, figuring that he could browse around the shelves for a bit to get his bearings together and figure out a plan. He didn’t even fucking know if Ryan would be at his house in the first place. He could be literally anywhere. 

He had only been browsing the various drinks when someone grabbed onto his arm. He turned around to see a familiar face. It took a second for him to recognize it as Spencer - Ryan’s best friend who helped save his life. “Spencer,” Josh breathed relieved. 

Spencer looked around hastily before turning back to Josh. “What the fuck are you doing here? If anyone found out what you are you’d be killed.” 

“I need you to help me get to Ryan’s house. I fucked up and I need to talk to him and make sure he’s okay. I just- I need to see him, please.” 

Spencer narrowed his eyes until they turned into a suspicious glare. He pointed his finger at Josh until it was digging into his chest. “Did you hurt him? Because if you hurt him in any way I swear to god, I don’t give a shit that you’re a wolf-” his voice got low on the last word so nobody except Josh could hear. 

Josh put his hands up in an attempt to surrender. “I didn’t hurt him. I promise. He just - I think I scared him, and I really need to talk to him and reassure him that everything’s fine. Spencer, please.”

Spencer continued to glare at him for a full minute where neither said anything. Finally, he relented. “My shift isn’t over for another three hours. But look, when you step out the door go down the road until you get to a fork. Go left, take another left, and then a right. The house is white with red shutters, but most of the shutters are crooked, and one even has fallen off. You know where Ryan’s room is right?” Josh nodded obediently, vaguely remembering the house now, but when he had walked home it had been in the dark so the image wasn’t very clear or pronounced. 

“Thank you,” Josh told him earnestly pulling him into a hug. Spencer obviously hadn’t been expecting it because he stood completely stock still with his arms at his side. “I owe you one.” Then Josh bolted out the door, and repeated Spencer’s directions in his head over and over again. He probably wouldn’t be able to forget them if he tried, though. 

Finally, after what seemed like ten years, he reached the house. It took him a second to put together where Ryan’s window was. He was on the right side of the second story. There was a fence that separated the front yard from the backyard. After assessing it for a few seconds Josh knew that he could jump it and it wouldn’t be a problem. He hitched himself over it, and used all of his strength to push him body over. He landed onto the grass of the backyard. He scraped his knee a little on the way down, but that didn’t matter. Plus, it would heal in a few hours anyway.

Once he was in the backyard he paused. The window was on the second story, so he hadn’t really thought about getting in. He looked around and saw that there were patches of gravel and rocks strewn all over the yard. He picked up a rock and figured throwing rocks at his window wouldn’t be too bad of an idea. Even though it was incredibly cliche. He took careful aim to hit the siding, or the window pane. Anything but the actual window, really. The last thing he needed to add to this night was breaking Ryan’s window. 

After a few minutes of throwing rocks, he didn’t get any reaction. He considered climbing up to the window, but quickly shut it down. One, because there was nothing he could use to climb up to the window. There wasn’t a tree, or conveniently placed vines, or ladder. Plus, he reasoned, the window was most likely going to locked anyway, and he didn’t feel like breaking his neck. At least, not that night anyway. 

Then it dawned on him. He was going to have to break in. With a deep breath he surveyed the house. He knew Ryan’s dad was a dead beat drunk, but he didn’t want to take him in a fight. Mostly because he was too scared that he would kill him. And again, he didn’t need that added to the list of things he fucked up that night. He could always go through the front door. But the problem was that he didn’t know where in the house Ryan’s dad would be. 

He thought about it for a few seconds before settling on going through the screen window in the basement. He figured the chances of Ryan’s dad being the basement were pretty low, and it was a lot easier to break into the basement considering he only had to kick the screen in. The window was just barely big enough for him to fit through, and he was relieved. He managed to push it through on the first try. 

He jumped, and got his shoulders through the screen. The window pressed into his stomach uncomfortably and he felt like he was being cut in half for a few seconds before he fell through, and came crashing down onto the floor. 

The basement was, well, pretty fucking disgusting. Everything was covered in a layer of dust, and there were boxes everywhere. Josh tried not to think about all the spiders and bugs that could be crawling all over him, and stood up. He brushed off the layer of dirt, and saw a pair of stairs in the corner, that mostly likely led up to the first floor. 

The stairs creaked every time he stepped on them, and he felt his heart stop whenever they made a sound. But eventually he got up to the door, and opened it. He was expecting someone to be on the other side - someone catching him. But there wasn’t. The house was eerily silent. 

It took him a second to remember where the stairs were that led up to Ryan’s bedroom, but figured it out relatively quickly. He made his way over, heart thudding in his chest. Once he carefully made it up the stairs all he could think about was Ryan. When he reached Ryan’s door he was terrified that it was going to be locked, that Ryan wouldn’t let him in. Or that Ryan would never want to see him again. 

But when he turned the knob to the door, it opened easily. As soon as he was inside though, he froze. 

It was Ryan’s room. He recognized the bed, and the overstocked bookshelf, even in the dark. But nobody was there. It was empty. Ryan wasn’t _there_. 

Josh could feel his heart seizing in his chest. He was about two seconds away from either crying, or having a full blown panic attack, when he heard a whimper. He jerked his head. It was quiet, but he definitely heard it. “Ryan?” He called out into the room. 

At first he thought he was going crazy, until he heard it again. This time he could recognize that it was coming from the closet in the far side of the room. He immediately scrabbled over to it, and fell to his knees in front of it. “Ryan?” He said again,

This time a sob came out of the small vents on the closet door. “Please don’t hurt me.” He heard Ryan beg. That was when his heart broke. “I’ll never see him again. I promise. Just don’t hurt me. I’m sorry.” 

Josh pressed his hand against the closet door. He had never felt anything so terrible before. He couldn’t understand anyone hurting Ryan. Ever. He didn’t even notice he was crying until the tears dropped down onto his collarbone, wetting the skin. “Ryan. It’s Josh.” He told him desperately. “Everything is okay. I would never-” he broke off, choking on a sob himself. “I would never hurt you. I would never let anyone hurt you either. Can you come out? Please? It’s just me. I swear. Please, baby?”

It was quiet before he heard, “Josh?” In such a small voice all he wanted to do was wrap Ryan up in his arms and never ever let go. 

“Yes. It’s me, Ryan. It’s Josh, and I love you. I love you so much, can you please come out? I’m so sorry.”

There was another silence and Josh was absolutely horrified when he realized that he was probably the last person Ryan wanted to see. He was probably done with him, and wouldn’t come out. Fuck he _broke into his house_.

But then Ryan was opening the door, it was hesitant. If Josh thought his heart broke before, it was nothing compared to how he felt when he saw Ryan. He was petrified, and curled up into a tiny ball in the closet. He had dirt smeared all over him. He was still crying, and there were tear tracks staining his red cheeks, not to mention he was shaking all over. 

Josh reached out his arm, but quickly pulled it back. “Can I…?

Ryan only shook his head frantically, and Josh pulled back, feeling his stomach plummet. He never wanted Ryan to look at him like that. Like he was someone to be feared. He swallowed heavily, choking back bile at how scared Ryan was of him. “I would never hurt you,” Josh reiterated, his voice no louder than a whisper. 

After a moment Ryan asked. “Who was that?” 

“That was Tyler.” 

Ryan’s eyes widened. “Like-”

Josh nodded. “Yeah, best friend-Tyler. I know it looked bad, but he was just confused. He thought. He thought you were hurting me. But I talked to him. He knows everything and is going to help us. He even, he wants to meet you.” 

As soon as Josh finished, Ryan started shaking his head frantically again. “Hey, it’s okay. I know you probably won’t be ready for that for a little bit. It’s fine, whenever you want to. But he’s okay with it, and he won’t hurt you, I promise. I would never let anyone hurt you. I love you so much.” 

The next thing Josh knew Ryan was tumbling out of the closet and into his arms. Ryan grabbed onto him for dear life, and wrapped his arms so tight around Josh’s neck he was nearly choking him. Josh immediately held onto him right back. He was so relieved he couldn’t breathe. Ryan was still shaking like a leaf, and crying into his shoulder, but at least he trusted Josh enough to touch him. 

“I’m so sorry,” Josh said, and repeated it over and over again as he started choking up and crying himself. 

Eventually Ryan pulled back so him and Josh were face to face. “I thought that was going to be it. God, I thought he was going to kill me, or even you.” 

Josh shook his head. “He was just being overprotective. He’s a good guy I swear, he just saw it and freaked out. But he knows everything now and something like this will never happen again. I will protect you from everything.” 

Ryan pressed his face into Josh’s neck for a few seconds, before he pulled back. “You broke into my house.” 

Josh blushed, and ducked his head, trying to avoid Ryan’s eyes. “Yeah well, you just came out of the closet so.” 

Ryan let out a startled laugh that made Josh’s ears ring. It was the best thing he’d ever heard. Josh couldn’t help but lean forward and kiss his forehead. “God, I love you.” 

“God, I love you too.” Ryan echoed, quieter, but so intensely it made Josh’s breath stutter. Ryan’s fingers played with the hair on the nape of his neck. “Can we go to sleep and forget about everyone else on the planet, please?” 

Josh couldn’t say no to that even if he tried. “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment, they're the only things that warm my cold dead heart.
> 
> twitter: @mcrfanfiction
> 
> tumblr: babyashleym


	9. Nine - His World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I just added some tags so make sure to read through them because they effect all the chapters coming up. (I think there's only like...4 left, and then an epilogue, woo!)
> 
> Special thanks to **Immi** for betaing as usual, and for constantly encouraging me to continue and crank out the next coming chapters. 
> 
> Another huge thanks goes out to **Lettie**. Like y'all don't even know. She was one of the first people I talked to this story about, and encouraged it from day one. She goes through every plot line with me, makes me scratch out shit that isn't good, and gives me wayyyyyy better ideas. This fic wouldn't be anywhere near where it is now if it weren't for her. Also shoutout because she legit talked me out of committing suicide yesterday. 
> 
> But hey I got to meet Frank this weekend! So that's lit. 
> 
> Anyway, things are getting spicy.

“You know, Tyler really wants to meet you.” Josh said it softly, and as non-demanding as he could, but Ryan still froze anyway. His hands, which had been tracing over Josh’s bare chest, stopped abruptly as he looked at Josh with wide eyes. He was so adorable that Josh just had to lean forward and kiss him. It was brief, and their lips barely touched, but it was enough to startle Ryan. 

Ryan shifted so that his back was to Josh in the bed. Josh didn’t know what he had done wrong, but he knew he had to somehow fix it. “Hey, it doesn’t have to be like, tomorrow or anything. Just, sometime. He wants to know the guy I’m head over heels with, you know? Jenna wants to meet you too.” 

He waited. Ryan was quiet. “I can’t.” Josh opened his mouth to say something back, probably along the lines of _you can_ when he noticed that Ryan was shaking. 

“Ryan?” He asked, feeling his stomach drop. He went to pull Ryan close, but he only shrunk away. “Baby?”

When Josh tried again, Ryan jerked away and climbed out of bed. Josh could only stare at him confusedly as he hurriedly pulled on a pair of sweatpants. He wouldn’t meet Josh’s eyes. “I’m hungry,” he said. “Are you hungry? I’m going to make some food.” Before Josh could even reply he was already out the door and going down the steps. 

Josh was baffled. But he quickly followed Ryan. He picked up and put on his boxers that were on the floor and the t-shirt he had been wearing. He went down the stairs to find Ryan in the kitchen searching for a pair of keys. “There’s nothing in the fridge,” Ryan supplied, still not looking anywhere near Josh’s direction. “I’m just gonna go get some stuff from the chinese place down the road. Want anything?” 

“Ryan? What did I say? I’m sorry if what I said upset you, but you have to tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it.”

Ryan only ignored him and continued to bustle around the kitchen. Josh could feel himself getting angry. Why was Ryan not telling him what was going on? All he had done was ask him a simple question. 

“Do you not want to meet my friends, is this what this is about?” He asked him, trying to get somewhere near the mark. “If we’re going to be together you’re going to have to meet my friends at some point.” 

“Their sweet and sour chicken is really good. I might even get some fried rice-”

“Ryan!” Josh shouted, getting fed up. Ryan immediately started, and his eyes went wide. “Will you tell me what’s wrong? Or are you going to keep acting like I’m not even here?” 

Ryan looked down at the floor, before he finally met Josh’s eyes. “I don’t want to meet your friends.” 

Josh was hurt, but he could understand that. Considering the last time Ryan saw Tyler he was trying to rip his throat out, his friends probably didn’t have all that good of a rap in his mind. Also, all of the anti-werewolf propaganda that had no doubt been shoved down his throat all his life didn’t help either. Josh let out a breath. “Okay, if you don’t want to meet them right away, that’s fine.” 

“No,” Ryan said, then licked his lips. “I don’t want to meet them, ever.”

Josh couldn’t believe him, he was being ridiculous. “Ryan-” he started but was cut off. 

“I can’t-” Ryan started wringing his hands, and looked away from him. He took a breath and Josh saw that he was tearing up, and practically shaking like a leaf. “You’re a fucking werewolf, Josh. All of your friends and family are werewolves. Do you not understand how terrifying that is? I slip up once and you could kill me.” 

Josh couldn’t even imagine that. He couldn’t imagine _ever_ hurting Ryan. Hurting people who hurt Ryan, yeah, definitely. But never him. He would never lay a hand on him no matter how angry or upset he was. The fact that Ryan could even think that stung. “I would never hurt you,” Josh told him vehemently, and put a hand over his heart almost as if it was a swear. “You know that.” 

Ryan looked at him sharply. “Do I?’

Josh took a step back. It was like someone had shot him straight in the chest. Everything was tight, and cold, yet white hot at the same time. 

“And I get it I’m your mate but I’m not like you, Josh. I don’t have the instinct, or whatever, I’m just flying blind here. And you’re over here acting like we’re married, or something and I’m scared. I’m scared that I’m it for you and that you might one day regret that it’s me, because news flash, not everything is peaches and cream in Ryan land. And I’m also scared because I don’t think you have any idea what could happen to us if we get caught. We could go to prison, or we could be fucking _killed_.”

“Ryan-”

“No!” Ryan cut him off. “What happens when I want to go off and do something? What if I want to travel the world someday?”

“Then I’d go with you.” Josh replied automatically. 

Ryan only made a frustrated whining noise. “What if I don’t want you to go!”

Josh ran his fingers through his hair. “I get that you’re scared Ryan, I get it. But the world mated us for a reason-”

“Don’t say that.” Ryan growled. “Don’t you dare give me that everything happens for a reason shit. Are you saying that my Mom didn’t give a shit about me, and that my Dad fucking beats me like I’m- I’m- I’m _nothing_ , and that Spencer’s the only friend who’s stuck around with me, and half the time I think he’s sick of my shit too, all for a reason? That the world decided to be like, ‘fuck Ryan Ross’, and that’s okay? Fuck you.” 

“That’s not what I’m saying, and you know it!” Josh snapped back angrily. “All I’m saying is that mates are never wrong.”

At that Ryan threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. “You’re missing my whole point. I don’t have the mating thing. You have that reassurance, but I don’t. You don’t fucking get it and I can’t-” 

“You can’t what?” Josh pressed, stepping closer to him. 

Ryan tugged on his hair, before lowering his hands and looking at Josh. “I mean us. I can’t- I’m done. This was too much, too soon. I just, I need time to think.” He turned around, so his back was to Josh. The air between them was dead silent, and practically charged. Finally, Ryan let out a shaky breath before whispering, “You should go.” 

Josh couldn’t breathe. It felt like his whole world was crashing down. “Ryan, baby-” He started stepping even closer, his hands ghosted over his hips. He just had to talk to him. He didn’t mean what he was saying. He couldn’t. 

“Please,” Ryan said, voice cracking. “Leave.” 

Josh jerked back like he had been burned. This was it. He didn’t want to leave. That was the last thing he wanted to do, but Ryan wasn’t letting up. Numbly, he backed up, and went up the stairs back to Ryan’s room. He put on his clothes, not really feeling, or seeing anything. When he walked back down Ryan was still in the same position. 

When his hands wrapped around the knob of the door, he turned around. “I love you,” he told him, his voice barely above a whisper. “I know you’re scared, but that’s never going to change.” 

Then he walked out the door and left, preparing for a long walk home. 

+_+_+

Josh didn’t even realize that his feet were taking him to a house that wasn’t his own until he got to the doorstep. His eyes gazed over the familiar wooden framing of the door, and the swing that was in the corner of the porch. This place felt like home - more of a home than his own house did anyway. 

He knocked on the door, and almost wanted to cry in relief when he saw Tyler answering it. Before Tyler could open his mouth and get a word in Josh was throwing himself into his arms. Tyler startled, but hurriedly complied, hugging Josh tightly. After a second Tyler pulled back a little. “Hey, let’s go up to my room, okay?”

Josh nodded, sniffling a little. God, he felt ridiculous. Tyler lead him up the stairs with ease, and eventually into his bedroom. He kicked the door shut while Josh sat down on the bed, feeling like his whole world was coming apart; unraveling like it was made of fucking yarn. 

“Did you talk to Ryan? You’re wearing the same clothes as yesterday so I assume you spent the night.” Tyler pointed out. 

Josh bit his lip, before breaking down. “I fucked it up, Ty. I fucked everything up.” 

Tyler’s brows furrowed, and he sat down across from the bed in his desk chair. He leaned forward, calmly engaging Josh. “I don’t understand, how did you fuck everything up?”

“We got into a fight.” Josh told him. “He’s scared. And like, he’s human so the mating thing isn’t a reassurance to him, you know? Until now we’ve been in our own bubble, and I think everything settling in.” Josh looked up at Tyler, suddenly horrified. “What if this is it? What if he never wants to see me again? Fuck, Ty-”

“Hey,” Tyler said, raising his hands. “Slow down. You’re jumping to conclusions. If he’s your mate then you’ll always find your way back to him. That’s how it works. Sometimes there’s bumps in the road, but you work through it. A relationship needs communication and compromise, Josh. I mean, just because your mates doesn’t mean everything’s going to be easy. Jenna and I fight sometimes, but if you love each other and wants things to work out you have to try, you know?” 

Josh sighed, and rubbed his hands down his face. “I just don’t know how to fix it.”

“Maybe it can’t be fixable.” Josh’s head shot up to reply, but Tyler stopped him before he could. “I didn’t mean that in an end of relationship way. I just mean that you’re going to have problems in a relationship. It’s inevitable. Maybe instead of trying to ‘fix’ it you should think of it from Ryan’s perspective. I don’t know the dude, but he’s a human, and his whole life he’s probably been taught that we’re monsters, you know? Now he’s in love with one, I presume anyway, and he’s scared. I couldn’t imagine being in his shoes.” 

Josh threw his hands up. “What do I do then? If I can’t fix it then what can I do?”

Tyler was the one to sigh this time. He seemed thoughtful, and spun around in his desk chair a few times. After a bit he stopped. “Honestly? I think it’s going to take time. You’re both kids who’ve been thrown into a life or death situation. It’s like Romeo and Juliet, you know? I think you guys probably rushed things. You should talk, communicate, really get to know each other. It’s easy for you to mate with someone and think you love them, when really you don’t know them enough to really love them, at least not the way you should. Spend time apart, then come back together.” Tyler paused. “You’ve made Ryan your world, and that’s a shit-ton of pressure to put on a scared seventeen year old.”

Josh nodded. Tyler’s words made sense, but he couldn’t help the ache in his chest. It had barely even been a few hours but he missed Ryan already like an absent limb. “But he is my world. I would do anything for him.” 

Tyler sighed once again. “I know, and I’m not saying that has to change right this instant. But dude, you can’t make him your world. You can’t lose yourself in him, you still have to be you, and he still has to be him. When you both figure yourselves out you’ll be able to come back together stronger. You can’t force all of this on him. He needs to figure shit out at his own pace, and you guys can slowly mend this rough patch. I know you love him, I know. But Josh? If you give him everything, you leave nothing for yourself.” 

Josh soaked in all of Tyler’s words. “I love you.” 

Tyler gave him a soft smile. “The feeling’s mutual, dude.” 

Tyler stood up from the desk chair, and as soon as he did Josh launched himself forward and squeezed him into a hug. “Thank you for always being there for me.” 

Tyler hugged him back just as tight. “Always. You’re stuck with me.” The purple haired boy couldn’t help but smile into his best friend’s shoulder as they hugged. 

“Do you want to go down to the basement, eat some candy, and play _Mario Kart_ until we both pass out?” He asked after pulling away. 

Josh smiled gratefully. “I can’t think of one thing I’d rather do.” 

+_+_+

After playing video games and eating enough junk food to make Josh practically feel sick, he went back home. It was nice to be in his own room, and to sleep in his own bed. But at being back at his house, he noticed how foreign everything felt. As if he was somewhere else, and everything he had experienced leading up to Ryan was a different life, a past empty one. 

He had gone back to bed, dreading school in the morning. But was blearily woken up in the middle of the night by a phone call. He heard his phone ringing, and his hand reached out clumsily until it finally clasped around it and he was able to hold it up to his face. He glanced at the clock briefly to see that it was 3:47am. The number that was calling him was one that wasn’t programmed in. He debated answering it for a second, before deciding to hit the accept call button. 

“Josh?” the voice inquired from the other line. 

Josh blinked in the darkness for a little bit. The voice sounded familiar, but he couldn’t place it. “Who is this?” 

“It’s Spencer.” The voice clipped, as if it was frustrated. 

Josh furrowed his eyebrows, before he sat up in his bed in panic. “Why are you calling me? Is Ryan okay?”

“Ryan’s fine.” Spencer answered immediately. “Look, I know it’s like super late, and you and Ryan are fighting or whatever, but there’s some shit I found that I need to talk to you about.” 

Josh pulled the phone away from his ear, looked at the clock, and realized he probably wasn’t going to get anymore sleep, and possibly wasn’t going to be going to school either. “Hold on,” Josh told him, curious, but also resigned. “If we’re gonna talk I need some coffee first.” 

After Josh had snuck down the stairs and into the kitchen, making his cup of coffee, he went back up to his room, and felt a little more awake. He rubbed his eyes before turning his attention back to his phone. “Okay, lay it on me.” 

Josh could hear clicking from the other line of the phone that suspiciously sounded like typing. “So I’ve been looking through some forums for a little while, well, once I found out about what you were and that you are Ryan were mated or whatever. Anyway,” Spencer drawled, sounding bored. “I found this guy on a forum and apparently he’s a human who also mated with a wolf. He’s posted some interesting stuff and some tips. I managed to talk to him and talked about you and Ryan. Don’t worry I didn’t give out your names or anything. He was pretty distrustful at first, but I think he’s on board now.”

Josh took in what he was saying. He stomach swooped. So Ryan and him weren’t alone. There were others out there like him, and they weren’t an anomaly. They could work. They could make it, maybe. “What other stuff has he posted? Has he given any advice? How have they even made it without being discovered? 

Spencer didn’t say anything for a second. “You know people don’t hate werewolves and humans everywhere, right? There are some places that the two groups mix and it’s treated like it’s normal.” 

Josh was baffled. There were places, whole towns even, who would think that him and Ryan weren’t freaks? Who would accept them? Where they could walk down the street proudly, and nobody would try to stop them being together. They wouldn’t have to hide, or be scared. “Where?” Josh asked him reverently. “Where are places like those?”

“Well,” Spencer said, and Josh heard clicking again. “Do you know where Alaska is?” 

Josh gnawed on his lip. “Uh, vaguely?” 

“There’s a city in Alaska, Juneau, it’s pretty liberal. They actually have protective measures in their legislation to protect human and werewolf interactions and relationships. Fuck, you guys could even get married up there.” 

Josh could hear blood rushing in his ears. “We could get married.” He echoed. He’d never thought about marrying Ryan. But now that he knew it was an option he couldn’t think of anything he wanted more than to be able to put a ring on Ryan’s finger. To let the whole world know how loved he was. 

“Yeah, anyway,” Spencer said. “I emailed the guy, gave more details about you guys and he said that he had room and could offer you guys a place to stay, until you could get on your feet.” 

Josh then took in the gravity of what Spencer was saying. “So, Ryan and I would run away.” 

“I mean.” Spencer paused. “You guys kind of have to. There’s no way you can be together and stay here. Running away is your only option. So I messaged the guy yesterday, and he’s getting a flight up here and wants to meet you and Ryan, or at least meet one of you. I think his flights come in at like 3pm today.” 

Josh blinked. “Wow, and you didn’t think of telling me until now?” 

“Dude, I just found out he was flying in. Whatever. You could thank me, you know?” 

“Thank you,” Josh said, and meant it. “It’s just a lot to take in at four in the morning. But thank you. Fuck thank you so much.” Then a thought dawned on him. “What if Ryan doesn’t want to go with me?” 

“Please, Ryan’s been talking about getting out of this fucking town, and getting away from his father basically as soon as he could talk. He’ll be fine with leaving.” 

“But.” Josh’s voice was small. “We got into a fight and I think he hates me now.” 

“He doesn’t hate you.” Spencer told him. “Trust me, I have to fucking hear about how awesome you are all the time. He just, he gets scared sometimes. He doesn’t believe that people want him in their lives and when it comes to commitment he thinks he’s saving himself and the other person by backing out. But he’ll come around. I know he will. You just have to give him some time.” 

Josh sighed. “Yeah, that’s what everyone’s been saying.” 

“Alright now, I’ve been up doing all this research for you. I need to get some sleep. I’ll forward you the email this guy sent me about his flight details and when you should pick him up. You have a car, right?”

Josh thoughts went to a car that definitely wasn’t his. Pete was going to kill him. “Yeah.” 

“Sweet.” Spencer said, still sounding bored. “Seeya.” Then he hung up. Within about a minute or two though the bright red notification came up on the email app that Josh had on his phone. He checked it and saw the email that the guy had sent. 

The guy went by Frankenstein, and said that his flight was coming in at 2:50pm that day. He gave a brief description of himself: dark hair, average height, wearing a jean jacket and ripped jeans. Josh thought the description was pretty vague, but he could understand if the guy didn’t really trust him yet. When Josh looked back at the clock, he groaned. It was going to be a very miserable day at school, that was for sure.


	10. Ten - You're Not Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to **Immi** , and **Lettie** , you know the drill. 
> 
> So, this chapter is a bit longer than any of the other ones, and hopefully this one, and the back to back chapter updates will act as an apology of sorts? 
> 
> I won't be able to post a new chapter for a little over a month. With work, finals, graduation, and also I'm doing a Bandom Big Bang Primary Work that's due June 1st, so that will be taking up most of my time. (But hey that one's Joyan as well so hopefully you guys will give it a read when it's posted!) I hope you guys enjoy, and please leave comments!!!!

That day of school was probably the worst day ever. Everything made Josh jittery, and all he could think of was all the worst case scenarios that came with meeting the stranger who now knew the most dangerous secret Josh had. He couldn’t focus on anything, and he narrowly missed getting a detention by one of his teachers. Thankfully - if he’d gotten one he’d be fucked. 

Once third period was over, he finally got to see Pete in the hallway. He had been thinking about what he was going to say, but had decided it would be best if he gave away as little as possible. Plus, Pete totally owed him for a ton of shit. 

“Hey, Pete.” Josh huffed as he weaved through the crowded hallway, barely missing a group of girls trying to make their way past him. After almost smacking against a locker he got over to Pete. 

Pete greeted him jovially. “Hey dude! What’s up?” He caught Josh’s hand in their normal handshake greeting. 

“Can I borrow your car tonight?” Josh asked. 

Pete raised his eyebrows. “Uh, why?”

“I have a job interview at Marcey’s Pizza across town, and my parents can’t drive me because they’re still at work. It’s after school. So can I borrow your car?” 

Pete shrugged. “Sure dude, as long as you’re careful. You’re lucky that Patrick’s coming over to mine tonight so I’ll be _otherwise occupied_.” He leered, even going so far as winking. 

Josh rolled his eyes. “My only comfort is knowing that if Patrick was here he’d slap you for talking him about him like that.” 

Pete’s eyes then turned glittery and wistful. “I know.” He groaned. “What I love about him.” Pete then dug around in his pocket. His skinny jeans were so tight that Josh didn’t understand how he could fit anything in them. But then Pete’s hand emerged with the keys to his car and tossed them over to Josh. “Drive safe, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” He paused, then flashed his usual big-teethed grin. “Which leaves you with a lot of options.” 

Josh put the keys in his own pocket. “Thanks dude. I’ll see you later.” 

+_+_+

Once the school day was over, Josh climbed into Pete’s car with shaky hands. He was nervous about meeting Frank. But also he was nervous because he hadn’t driven a car in months. He shook the fears out of his head. Meeting the Frankenstein dude, and planning a future for him and Ryan was more important than him panicking over all the what ifs. 

He tossed his backpack into the backseat and pulled out of the student parking lot. He got onto the highway with ease and loosened his grip on the steering wheel a bit. Pete’s car was pretty old, kind of jerky, but it was a car, and that’s all Josh cared about. He remembered where the airport was from when he went there to pick up his grandparents last year when they came in to visit from Oregon. It wasn’t too far of a drive, but the nerves were killing him, so it felt like it took ten years before he pulled into the parking garage of the airport. 

He got his ticket out from the machine and parked the car. He was a little crooked, but not detrimentally so. He got out of the car and locked it, tossing the keys into his pocket. He debated bringing in his backpack, but he figured that would just look stupid. So he went over to the elevator. He checked the time on his phone and saw that Frank’s flight was supposed to have landed a few minutes before, so he should be leaving the plane when Josh got down to baggage. 

He navigated his way around the airport with shaky legs and his heart in his throat. The airport was split into two sections. The human side and the werewolf side. Josh realized that he didn’t know the guys status, so he waited awkwardly in the in-between zone, hoping that he didn’t look suspicious. He anxiously played a game on his phone, glancing up every so often to see if he saw someone who fit Frankenstein’s description, but then averted his gaze if anyone looked at him for too long. 

Finally he saw someone walk through the baggage claim. They came through the human section. He had dark shaggy hair, ripped jeans, and a jean jacket just as the email had said. He was carrying a light duffel bag, and looked around - inconspicuously - but you could still tell he was looking around for someone. Josh took a deep breath and went over to his with his heart in his throat and his blood rushing. 

He approached the guy. He fiddled with his pocket nervously as the guy eyed him up. He smelled overwhelmingly like human, and the scent made Josh ache for Ryan. “Are you Frankenstein?” he asked, his voice quiet.

The guy looked at him suspiciously. “Are you Spencer?”

“Uh, no.” Josh told him cautiously. “I’m Josh.” 

The guy flicked his eyes over Josh and took him in. “Huh, you’re taller in person.” 

Josh was taken aback. “Uh, thank you?”

The guy nodded. “Great. Well Josh, it’s nice to meet you. My name is Frank. Now I need food, and then we can talk. Where’s your car?” 

Josh pointed hesitantly to the parking garage to his right. Frank nodded and started walking towards it leaving Josh to stumble behind him and follow him. As they walked through the airport and out the doors Frank continued to talk. “Fuck that flight sucked. Nine and a half hours with two fucking stops.” He glanced at Josh for a second. “You better be worth it, kid.” 

Josh was completely baffled. “Uhh,” he stammered in disbelief. He didn’t know if the guys was joking or not. And furthermore, he was calling _him_ a kid? The guy had be like five-foot-two and barely above twenty. 

The guy looked at him again before laughing. “I’m just fucking with you, dude.” He looked down at his watch. “Is there still a small as vegan cafe in Crestley?” 

Josh shrugged, feeling completely out of his depth. “Maybe? I usually don’t leave Woodland.” 

Frank hummed. “Well, we’re gonna meet a friend of mine. Don’t worry, he’s chill with everything. I need some food and we need a place to talk.” 

Josh nodded, a little skeptical. He didn’t get how this guy knew all of these accepting people. Everyone Josh knew were extremely against it and hated the other species with a passion. 

When they got into Josh’s car Frank threw his duffel bag into the back without a car. He directed Josh to a small rundown cafe on the other side of town. The part of town he wasn’t used to. Though it was still in the human side, it was close to another zone of wolf territory. As soon as they got into the door of the cafe a man with a giant afro asked for their IDs with a bored tone. 

Josh froze, his heart stopping. He knew that a lot of places on the human side required IDs if you made a purchase, or even for entry. It was way they kept wolves from coming onto their territory, since they didn’t have the scent capabilities that the other species did. He looked at Frank in panic, but Frank only slipped his ID over with ease. 

As soon as the man looked at his ID his head shot up. “Holy shit, Frank?!”

Frank only grinned at him, wild and bright. “The one and only.” 

The curly-haired guy practically launched himself at Frank, tackling him in a hug. “Why didn’t you fucking tell me you were coming back? God, it’s good to see you.” 

The pair chattered excitedly for a few minutes before Josh cleared his throat uncomfortably. Immediately, Frank and the other guy looked back at him, remembering his presence. “Right.” Frank said. “He doesn’t have an ID. But we need somewhere to talk. Figured you wouldn’t be busy.” 

“Fuck you.” The guy said good naturedly, but then his expression become one more solemn, and his voice got lower, so Josh could only barely make it out. “You’re not in trouble, are you?” 

The grin that Frank gave him then could only be described as mischievous. “You know me, Ray. When am I not in trouble?” Ray was about to say something, but Frank cut him off, rolling his eyes. “Everything is good. Everything with Gee is good, actually, everything with Gee is fucking amazing. Ellie’s great. This kid is the one who’s in some deep shit. Like, four years ago deep shit. But I’m helping him out, so it’s fine.”

The guy - Ray, looked at Josh for the first time. Even though he was large in stature, his eyes were kind. He gave Josh a small smile. “It’s okay.” He told him softly. “You’re safe here.” 

He opened the door widely, and lead them into the small cafe. Once inside Josh could tell that the place was pretty old. It looked a little rundown, and in need of some TLC on the outside, but the inside wasn’t any better. The old puke-green wallpaper was peeling all over the place, and the floor was covered in scuffs and scratches from use, along with divots scattered around. There were a few creaky wooden chairs, with tables haphazardly around the cafe, with a few worn out couches in the corner. 

The counter at the back of the restaurant was probably the nicest. There were a few old posters hung up behind the counter, and some of them made Josh smile. They were either retro concert posters, or movie posters from classic horror movies, and zombie flicks. Frank made a beeline for the collection of cushioned chairs and couch in the corner. He plopped down, and put his feet up on the coffee table. 

Josh hesitantly joined him, and sat across from him stiffly on one of the cushioned chairs. He wished that Ryan was with him. At least then he would have someone to focus on, instead of feeling like he was lost at sea, with no rope to pull himself up with in sight. 

After a second Frank put his feet down and sat forward a bit so that his hands rested on his knees. “So, wolfboy.” Josh wrinkled his nose at the nickname, which only caused Frank to let out a high-pitched giggle, which seemed to be a sound completely disconnected from his appearance. “Sorry, I had to. Gee fucking hates when I call him wolfboy too.” 

Josh licked his lips, and picked at his thumb. “So Gee is your mate?” 

Frank shrugged. “For wolves, yeah. I’m his mate. To me though, he’s just my husband.” 

Josh’s eyes widened a fraction. “You guys are married?” 

Frank raised his eyebrow before holding up his left hand. He moved it side to side a bit and Josh noticed the ring on one of his fingers that he hadn’t seen before. It glittered in the light that came in through one of the open windows behind him. “As of a few months ago. He said he wasn’t going to, and I quote, ‘pop out another one of my babies unless I put a ring on it.’” Frank smiled fondly, his eyes going a little far away. “So, I did. He loves all that sappy shit.” 

Josh tried to connect the dots in his head. “Oh so he’s reproductive then?” 

Frank nodded. “Yeah, Reproductive Omega. It would’ve been great to know when we were like, seventeen, but you know. Wouldn’t change anything for a second.” 

Josh tried to wrap his head around the fact that this guy already had kids, even though he looked so young. “How many kids do you have?” He asked. 

Frank chuckled. “Well, we only really have Ellie right now. But Gee’s gonna pop out another one in about three months.” Josh smiled, and that made Frank start digging into his pocket. “Hold on, I have a picture in my wallet.” After a few short seconds he finally pulled out his wallet with a loud cry of success. “Here we go.” He opened it up and pulled out a few photos. One was of a little girl with dark hair holding up a pumpkin, smiling brightly into the camera. She couldn’t be older than four. The other photo was of a man with dark shaggy hair, and a bulging stomach holding the little girl on his hip. His head was thrown back in laughter, and he had a big grin on his face, and so did the little girl - the same one who had been jovially holding up the pumpkin. 

Josh couldn’t help but notice that the man in the photo seemed familiar. But he couldn’t place his finger on who he was, or how he would even know him. He shrugged it off though, focusing instead on how the images of their happy little family made the Ryan-shaped hole in his chest get bigger than it was before. 

“You guys are really lucky.” Josh told him sincerely. 

“Thanks,” Frank said, before putting the pictures back into his wallet. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one up. He sighed after the first drag. “Fuck. I haven’t been able to smoke in forever. ‘Cause of the pregnancy and shit. Missed it though, shit.” Frank waxed poetically. 

“Frank!” Ray’s voice yelled shrilly from the back. “You can’t fucking smoke in here.” 

Frank only snorted. “Fuck off and watch me. It’s not like your billion other customers are going to mind.” 

“You know what I said earlier about it’s good to see you? I take that back.” Ray replied snarkily before heading back into the room he came from. 

Frank waved it off, and then turned his attention back to Josh. “So, enough about me. Let’s talk about you. Spencer told me some stuff, but didn’t really give away much.” 

Josh scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah, uh. I’m seventeen. I’m a senior in high school. Ryan is mate. We uh, we met a few months ago.” He looked down at his hands. “I don’t really know what you want me to say.” 

“Where is Ryan?” Frank asked. “Why isn’t he here too?”

Josh sucked in a breath, and started picking at his jeans. “We’re currently, we - we’re not really speaking right now.” 

“What do you mean?” Frank asked carefully, tipping off some of the ashes from his cigarette. 

“I mean, we, I-” Josh sucked in a breath before running his hands down his face. “I fucked up and I don’t really know how to make things better again.” 

“Okay…” Frank said slowly and thoughtfully. “Are you we talking ‘I forgot to do the dishes fucked up’ or ‘I cheated on your with the mailman fucked up’?” 

Josh groaned. “I don’t know, everything’s kind of messy right now. We’ve only been together for a couple of months. Ryan’s skittish anyway, and I think he’s just terrified of the gravity of everything. He’s never seen or had a lasting relationship in his life so I don’t think he even sees it as an option. Then my best friend Tyler caught us together. Everything’s fine, I talked shit out with him and he’s supportive and willing to help, but it still scared the shit out of Ryan. Then we got into this stupid fight, and I think he broke up with me? I don’t know, he said he needed more time and that I don’t understand.” 

Frank whistled, before taking another drag of his cigarette. “Well, I think first and foremost you have to realize that you don’t understand.” Josh went to object, but Frank held up his hand, and stopped him. “I’m not saying that to discount your feelings or what you’re going through. But you don’t. You literally can’t understand. You have to look at this shit from his point of view. Now I don’t know the guy, but I was once in his similar position.” 

Frank paused, and seemed to think through what he was going to say next. “Gee and I have had fights about the same thing before. It’s like. Okay so on the human side, our whole lives and upbringing we were taught that wolves were these terrible people. They were to be feared at all time, and were these wild animals who only want to kill us. So having to rewrite everything you’ve ever been taught is terrifying. Then throw in a guy who you have feelings for, who’s promising you forever, yet you can’t even process the concept of staying with someone forever because you’ve never seen it happen before. It’s hard.” 

“So how did you and Gee work through it?” Josh asked eagerly. 

“It wasn’t really an easy fix thing. We had to sit down and talk about everything. We had to admit that we were terrified, but we loved each other and hoped that would be enough. It’s easier for you guys though, because you know that it’s your mate and you have all those instincts. For us humans? It’s basically a crap shoot, and we trust that you’ve picked the right person. Gerard and I did have a pushing factor for both of us to grow the fuck up, work out our issues, and get the fuck out of dodge.” 

“Wait, what was your pushing factor?” Josh asked, suddenly confused. 

Frank put out his cigarette in a stray cup filled with water resting on the coffee table. “Gee got pregnant. I mean we were already scared, and then suddenly a baby was being added into the mix. We both were kids, so realizing that we were gonna be having a kid made us realize what problems needed to be fixing, and which ones were petty, you know? We were both seventeen. It was before the big test so Gee didn’t know he was Reproductive, and we were young and dumb so we weren’t using protection half the time. But we got out, and we got help.”

Josh let out a breath. “I couldn’t even imagine if Ryan got pregnant. There’s no way I, or him would be able to handle that.” 

Frank shrugged. “You get used to it. From what I can tell you and Ryan aren’t so different from me and Gee.” 

Josh shot his head up, interjecting. “Yeah, but I don’t think your Dad beat you.” Frank’s eyes got a little wide. “Ryan’s Mom left when he was a kid, and his Dad beats him. He treats him like a rag doll and he’s terrified all the time. Not that I can blame him.” 

“Shit.” Frank said eloquently, wiping his face. “I don’t really know what to tell you there. That’s gonna make things a little harder.” 

“Yeah.” Josh agreed. “There’s like nothing I can do to assure him that I’m always going to be there for him, even if shit gets tough. He’s also terrified I’m going to hurt him. I would never, but it’s kind of hard to convince him that when everyone else in his life has hurt him.” 

Frank lolled his head to the side. “What’s your status?” 

“Non-Reproductive Alpha.” Josh recited, basically on autopilot. 

Frank nodded, and started toying with the piercing on the side of his lip. “Okay. Tell me more about Ryan. I can’t really help you if I don’t know the kid.” 

“He’s-” Josh started, finding that he was having to describe Ryan to someone again, who had no idea who he was. “There’s no words for him. He’s just. He’s super smart, but he’s quiet. I think it’s because he had to take everything in. He has this dry sense of humor that’s amazing, and sometimes comes across as pretentious but he’s a total dork. He loves music, but he basically has no access to it at home. He’s been basically raising himself since he was ten. He’s the strongest person I’ve ever met.” 

Josh gave Frank a wry smile as he remembered a time he found Ryan in the park, with tear tracks staining his cheeks. He had refused to talk to Josh for majority of their time, even after Josh’s repeated prodding and inquires for anything he could do. Eventually Ryan started giving one word answers, but it still tore him up. “He gets sad sometimes. It’s the worst because I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to make it better - I don’t think I can. I think some of it has to do with his Dad. He thinks he’s shit at everything because his Dad always makes him feel like he’s nothing. I got him to sing one time, and it was the best thing in the world. He’s just. He’s Ryan.” 

“So this is going to be hard,” Frank said eventually. “Because essentially, Ryan doesn’t really trust anyone. I mean once your parent - the one person who’s supposed to love you no matter what - starts abusing you then you get into the mentality that no one could ever love you. I think him breaking things off with you is because he’s scared yes, but it might be protection mechanism to keep him from getting hurt. Even if he loves you, he might not trust you. It might take him years to ever fully trust you. Are you prepared for that?” 

“I would do anything for him.” Josh told him, and was a little taken aback by how fiercely he meant it. “I would kill his Dad if it wouldn’t confirm everything he thinks in the back of his head about me being a monster.” 

“I think you guys need to get out of this town and start a new life. But convincing Ryan to do that is what’s going to be hard. Most abuse victims are very against change. Even if Ryan may hate this town, and his Dad, it’s still familiar. He’ll need control. Going to a whole new place with just you could be a huge deal breaker for him because that’s giving up all control.”

“So what do you think I should do?” Josh asked, chewing on his thumbnail. 

Frank sighed. “Again, I don’t really know Ryan. But honestly, the best advice I can give you is to just talk to him. Communication is the one thing everyone needs more of in relationships, trust me.” Suddenly Frank stood up. “I’m gonna be in town for the next couple of days,” he started, and then pulled a sharpie and stickie note out of his pocket, he scribbled down a number on it before passing it to Josh. “Here’s my number, call me if you need anything, or when you and Ryan work shit out. I’d love to meet him.” 

Josh stood up too, and held the stickie note to his chest like it was made of gold. “Thank you. Thank you so much.” 

Frank’s eyes softened and he gave Josh a small smile. “Gee and I are here for you guys. You’re not alone.” 

+_+_+

Once Josh dropped Frank off at the motel he was staying, he drove around for a little bit. He knew it was later than Pete was probably expecting, and he knew that there was no way a job interview would go on for that long, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep that night if he didn’t try to fix what he’d done. 

So he drove off to a scenic view sight that had a small parking lot, still on the other side of town, near Ray’s cafe. He pulled out his phone and dialed Ryan’s number. It rang a few times, and he could feel his heart beating rapidly. He was paralyzed; fearful that Ryan wasn’t going to pick up at all, that Ryan didn’t want to talk to him - maybe ever again.

Thankfully though, the phone clicked and he heard the familiar sound of Ryan’s voice. “Josh?”

“Ryan.” Josh breathed. His chest seized. He hadn’t realized how much he actually had missed Ryan, even in the short amount of time, until he heard his voice. “Hey.” 

The line was quiet for a while before Ryan replied with a small, “hey” as well. 

“Look,” Josh started. “I just want to talk, okay?”

“Okay.” 

Josh swallowed, and took in a deep breath. He tried to gather up all the things that he wanted to say, and sort through all of the advice that Tyler and Frank had given him. “I’m sorry.” 

“You’re sorry?” Ryan echoed. 

“Yeah.” Josh licked his lips, and tightened his grip on the steering wheel, even though he was parked. “I was putting a lot of pressure on you, and that’s not fair. Of course I don’t understand what you’re going through, or even how scared you must be. I’m sorry that I tried to make it seem like your worries didn’t matter. I love you. If you don’t love me the way I do, that’s okay. You have to go through things at your own pace and I respect that. But I will be here, I’ll always be here for you. I know you’re scared to meet Tyler, and all of my friends, and I’m sorry that I discounted how you felt, and how terrifying the other day was for you.” Josh didn’t say anything for a little bit, and neither did Ryan. “I miss you.” He finally admitted.

“I miss you too.” Ryan said. “And it’s not that I don’t love you. I don’t want you to feel as if I don’t love you, because I do. I was just scared, and being stupid. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s not stupid if it’s how you felt.” Josh told him. “But you did have a point. We’re rushing into this and we should take it slower, you know? Get to know each other. I think we did a lot of things pretty heavy, and a little too soon. I don’t regret it, but I think we need to hit the brakes for a second and try to be a normal couple for a little while.” 

“Yeah,” Ryan agreed. “But Josh. I still need time. I need to time to think and figure stuff out. I’m not. I’m not like you.” 

“I know.” Josh told him. “I’m sorry for rushing you, and then getting mad when you don’t feel the same. I get that this must be hard for you. I’m sorry for ever making you feel like you had lost control.” 

“I’m sorry I’m so scared.” 

“Don’t be sorry. You don’t have to be sorry. You have every right to be scared.” When Ryan didn’t say anything, he spoke up. “I met up with Frank today.” Josh said after a silence. 

“Who’s Frank?” Ryan asked, sounding confused. 

Josh groaned. “Spencer didn’t fucking tell you?” 

“Uh...no…?” 

“Apparently Spencer’s been doing some research on forums. He found that there’s places where relationships like ours are accepted. We could even get married one day. He found this guy, who’s a human, whose mate is a wolf. He said he’d be willing to help us.” Josh didn’t like Ryan’s silence. “He said he’d like to meet you.” 

“Did you say his name was Frank?” Ryan asked. 

Josh furrowed his eyebrows. “Yeah, he even, he even has a kid with his mate.” 

“I’ll meet him.” Ryan said finally after a few seconds. 

Josh couldn’t help the giant smile that went across his face. “That’s awesome. Now.” He cleared his throat. “Ryan-” then he paused. “Wait, Ryan, what’s your middle name?” 

“Actually, Ryan is my middle name.” 

“Wait, really?” 

Ryan laughed from over the phone. “Really, really. My first name is actually George.” 

Josh wrinkled his nose. “You don’t look like a George.” 

“It was my Dad’s name,” he supplied. “I’m actually a junior.” 

“How did I not know this!” Josh exclaimed. 

He could practically hear Ryan’s signature shrug from over the phone. “I don’t really talk about my Dad much.” 

“You know,” Josh drawled. “George isn’t really a sexy name. Ryan’s much sexier.” 

“I think you’re biased.” Ryan teased. 

“Fuck yeah I am.” Josh agreed. “You’re the sexiest of them all Ryan Ross.” 

“Oh my god,” Ryan giggled. “I missed you.” He said, and the tone got a little more serious. “Now, what the fuck did you need my middle name for?” 

“Right!” Josh was reminded of his initial plan. “George Ryan Ross, would you go on a date with me?”

“Are you asking me out?” 

“Uhh, yes?” 

“Josh-” Ryan sighed.

Josh didn’t like how it sounded like a no. “We can take it slow. We’ll take it so slow, baby. I know you need time to think. All I’m asking for is one date.” Josh cleared his throat once more. “Will you go out with me?” Josh asked again. “I promise I’ll wine and dine you, open the door for you. I’ll even bring _two_ jackets. One so you can steal, which you think you’re really inconspicuous about, but you’re not, and the other one to lay on puddle for you to walk over, because I’m a goddamn gentlemen.” 

Josh felt drunk listening to Ryan’s quiet laugh over the phone. When he finally spoke he sounded resigned. “If I agree will you stop being ridiculous?” 

“Absolutely not.” 

“Yes.” Ryan said after a moment. “I will go on a date with you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments. It helps me continue.


End file.
